I "traded" in the KIA rental for a Dodge Grand Caravan. Soooooo much better! My car is not quite totalled - it's within $500 of being totalled though. The insurance company says they will fix my minivan, so that's what we will do. I trust the body shop completely - the guy is honest and does great work. It's just a smarter financial decision, as we didn't plan on having a car payment right now, and adding 10-20K to our debt load doesn't seem like a wise thing to do. It will take about a month to get it fixed, so I'll enjoy the 2006 while I have it.
My elbow is bugging me. I had it X-rayed, and nothing is wrong with my bones, but I've had just enough pain to make it bothersome. I can only lift one grocery bag instead of my usual three, and I say "ouch" too many times during the day. I'll wait another week, then go back to the doc again if it isn't getting any better.
The head cold is almost over, but Hope and my Mom have it, and David is trying hard to be next. I hate it when Hope gets sick, she always develops a nasty cough, and hates taking any kind of medicine.
I need some video editing software. I have this lovely tape of Hope's preschool performance, but it's so huge I can't send it to anyone. I'll go search in a bit.
I'll try to get motivated and take the kids to the park tomorrow. It shouldn't be too cold (and it won't be too warm either, the high is projected at about 55F). They need some fresh air and sunshine, and so do I. I feel like I am waiting again, although I'm not sure for what.
The news just proclaimed that Saddam Hussein was executed. While the man was pond scum, I don't believe that killing him will remove or even reduce the amount of villainy and destruction in the world. The only point made in all this is that George Bush is still an idiot with evil overtones. He has a statement forthcoming that "distances" him from the Iraqi government's actions....what a chickenshit asshole. Take responsibility for having the man killed....and make time to show up at Ford's funeral while you're at it. Really, the differences between Hussein, Bush and yes, even Hitler are just degrees. Not one of them has/had a decent concept of humanity, and all have contributed to making this world a little worse off for their presence.
And with those happy thoughts, I'm off to distract myself before bed.
12.29.2006
12.27.2006
And a touch of December...
Wow, time does fly doesn't it?
December was a wonderfully busy month. We started with the boys school's big fundraiser, the omelet breakfast on the 2nd. Then we pre-registered all three for Little League. I hate that they start registering in December, but I saved $70 by coughing it up early. The boys had half days the entire week of the 4th.
Joey and Matthew are doing very well in school. Joey made honor roll, and got an award for outstanding performance in Language Arts (sounds like there should be a statue with it, doesn't it?) Matthew did the same for Language Arts, but they don't have "honor roll" in 3rd grade. If they did, he would have made it. We had parent/teacher conferences that were wonderful. It's awesome when you get to sit down and talk to another adult that finds your child's accomplishments as wonderful as you do!
Hope's preschool had their annual Christmas Pageant on the 8th, and Hope and her best boyfriend Salem were Joseph and Mary. We attempted to tape the performance, but the batteries on the camera died. Luckily Salem's parents filmed the entire thing. I was near tears the whole night, I was so very proud of my girl. She performed wonderfully, and looked so very beautiful and grown up! She had a terrific time too.
Her last day at school was on the 20th, so we made some goodie bags to celebrate her birthday. I was disappointed when I got there, as several parents made treat bags as "Christmas presents for their preschool friends", but I LOVED that Mrs. D, her teacher, had all the present bags put in the kids cubbies. Hope was allowed to pass her birthday bags out at the end of class so that she would have a turn to have a special day at school. Turns out that Mrs. D has two kids who were born in December too! FANTASTIC!
I managed to squeeze in as much shopping as possible on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays between 9am and 12noon so that Hope wouldn't catch me at it. On Friday the 15th, I picked Hope up from school and took her to the mall to find something for her cousins. Unfortunately, another driver felt that being on time for his job at the candy counter was more important than actually stopping at the intersection, and plowed into us. I was absolutely terrified. The minivan may be totalled, but Hope was not injured, and I have a bit of bruised elbow. I made the paramedics come and check Hope out because the impact was pretty hard. The airbags didn't go off, but it was a good thing. My mechanic explained that if they had gone off, I probably would have more injuries that the minor stuff I have. I used enough adrenaline for the next 5 years or do. I just kept thinking about my precious girl and what could have happened. It wasn't until the next day that I could truly appreciate that it DIDN'T happen and calm down.
So I've been driving a KIA minivan around since the 16th, and for the record, I HATE IT! It falls under the Total POS category. I rented it because they are inexpensive to buy new, and since I wasn't planning on buying a new car this year, it seemed worth a shot. It's uncomfortable, and screams CHEAP! From the upholstery fabric to the fact that the armrests are about 2 inches shorter than they should be for comfort. I'm still trying to work out details with the insurance companies, so I'm stuck with a rental for a few more days at least.
Christmas Eve was fun. We had the darling children and their parents over for clam chowder and ciopinno. They brought some homemade eggnog, and while bourbon is not something I drink, it can be quite tasty disguised with some rum, sugar, eggs and other ingredients. My kids were exhausted, and dropped to sleep by 9:30. I even finished wrapping before 5pm, so I didn't spend most of the night hunched over tape and ribbons.
Christmas was lovely. My brother was here, and I finally caved and let the boys have Game Boy Advance handheld's. I also got Hope a Leapster. It was a nice day, the kids were very quiet, and absorbed in their new games. Hope went nuts over Polly Pocket, and Joey has a telescope that he is fascinated by as well. DH made a wonderful Prime Rib dinner, and we had pies from my favorite bakery http://www.burgessbaking.com/index.html(who also made Hope's birthday cake!).
On Tuesday, Hope turned 5 years old! I cannot believe that my precious little girl has grown so big! My Dad and his wife drove up from Southern California in his brand new Lexus, to share the day (and show off the new car). We went out to dinner because I could not face another meal for 8+ and all the dishes it entails. Then Hope got to unwrap her Polly Pocket "So Hip Cruise Ship" and was over the moon! She had a great day, with lots of attention, all her favorite foods, and too many presents.
This morning, my brother and nephew left for home, and so did my Dad. It's the first day with "just us" since the 18th, and boy did I enjoy the relative peace and quiet. I did some grocery shopping, and tried to get over the lovely head cold that I've had for the past few days. The boys go back to school on the 2nd, and Hope on the 9th.
For now, it's bedtime.
December was a wonderfully busy month. We started with the boys school's big fundraiser, the omelet breakfast on the 2nd. Then we pre-registered all three for Little League. I hate that they start registering in December, but I saved $70 by coughing it up early. The boys had half days the entire week of the 4th.
Joey and Matthew are doing very well in school. Joey made honor roll, and got an award for outstanding performance in Language Arts (sounds like there should be a statue with it, doesn't it?) Matthew did the same for Language Arts, but they don't have "honor roll" in 3rd grade. If they did, he would have made it. We had parent/teacher conferences that were wonderful. It's awesome when you get to sit down and talk to another adult that finds your child's accomplishments as wonderful as you do!
Hope's preschool had their annual Christmas Pageant on the 8th, and Hope and her best boyfriend Salem were Joseph and Mary. We attempted to tape the performance, but the batteries on the camera died. Luckily Salem's parents filmed the entire thing. I was near tears the whole night, I was so very proud of my girl. She performed wonderfully, and looked so very beautiful and grown up! She had a terrific time too.
Her last day at school was on the 20th, so we made some goodie bags to celebrate her birthday. I was disappointed when I got there, as several parents made treat bags as "Christmas presents for their preschool friends", but I LOVED that Mrs. D, her teacher, had all the present bags put in the kids cubbies. Hope was allowed to pass her birthday bags out at the end of class so that she would have a turn to have a special day at school. Turns out that Mrs. D has two kids who were born in December too! FANTASTIC!
I managed to squeeze in as much shopping as possible on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays between 9am and 12noon so that Hope wouldn't catch me at it. On Friday the 15th, I picked Hope up from school and took her to the mall to find something for her cousins. Unfortunately, another driver felt that being on time for his job at the candy counter was more important than actually stopping at the intersection, and plowed into us. I was absolutely terrified. The minivan may be totalled, but Hope was not injured, and I have a bit of bruised elbow. I made the paramedics come and check Hope out because the impact was pretty hard. The airbags didn't go off, but it was a good thing. My mechanic explained that if they had gone off, I probably would have more injuries that the minor stuff I have. I used enough adrenaline for the next 5 years or do. I just kept thinking about my precious girl and what could have happened. It wasn't until the next day that I could truly appreciate that it DIDN'T happen and calm down.
So I've been driving a KIA minivan around since the 16th, and for the record, I HATE IT! It falls under the Total POS category. I rented it because they are inexpensive to buy new, and since I wasn't planning on buying a new car this year, it seemed worth a shot. It's uncomfortable, and screams CHEAP! From the upholstery fabric to the fact that the armrests are about 2 inches shorter than they should be for comfort. I'm still trying to work out details with the insurance companies, so I'm stuck with a rental for a few more days at least.
Christmas Eve was fun. We had the darling children and their parents over for clam chowder and ciopinno. They brought some homemade eggnog, and while bourbon is not something I drink, it can be quite tasty disguised with some rum, sugar, eggs and other ingredients. My kids were exhausted, and dropped to sleep by 9:30. I even finished wrapping before 5pm, so I didn't spend most of the night hunched over tape and ribbons.
Christmas was lovely. My brother was here, and I finally caved and let the boys have Game Boy Advance handheld's. I also got Hope a Leapster. It was a nice day, the kids were very quiet, and absorbed in their new games. Hope went nuts over Polly Pocket, and Joey has a telescope that he is fascinated by as well. DH made a wonderful Prime Rib dinner, and we had pies from my favorite bakery http://www.burgessbaking.com/index.html(who also made Hope's birthday cake!).
On Tuesday, Hope turned 5 years old! I cannot believe that my precious little girl has grown so big! My Dad and his wife drove up from Southern California in his brand new Lexus, to share the day (and show off the new car). We went out to dinner because I could not face another meal for 8+ and all the dishes it entails. Then Hope got to unwrap her Polly Pocket "So Hip Cruise Ship" and was over the moon! She had a great day, with lots of attention, all her favorite foods, and too many presents.
This morning, my brother and nephew left for home, and so did my Dad. It's the first day with "just us" since the 18th, and boy did I enjoy the relative peace and quiet. I did some grocery shopping, and tried to get over the lovely head cold that I've had for the past few days. The boys go back to school on the 2nd, and Hope on the 9th.
For now, it's bedtime.
11.30.2006
The last bit of November...
I've been gone for a while now, haven't I?
November has been a very busy month. The kids went off track on the 26th of October. We had great fun on Halloween. I had a vampire, a bat, and a princess in my living room! The kids had a terrific time trick or treating, and had lots and lots of candy! We had some friends over and had a ball!
On the Second of November, I attended a service at the local Catholic Church. St. Anthony's was the church were my FIL's service was held last year. They do a special All Souls mass for those who have died in the past year. I roped my friend Zoe into coming with me. Her son attends the school at the church. She's Greek Orthodox and I'm Episcopalian. We made the perfect pair! DH couldn't attend because of work, but he wanted me to go. Hell, I wanted to go.
It was nice. The church is lovely, and even though I am not Catholic, I find a lot of comfort in the rituals (they say the Lord's Prayer "wrong", but still...). The best part was hearing Richards name out loud. I don't know why it meant so much, but it made him seem real again. We all miss him so much. Zoe was a great friend that night, handing me tissues, and sitting with me.
On the 8th, the East Coast contingent arrived. We had cousins and aunties and uncles....13 people were stuffed into my house. We had a huge Thanksgiving dinner that day, and talked late into the night. On Thursday, we got up and loaded into two minivans, and headed for the hills.
Richard had a favorite hunting spot, and there is a viewpoint/vista above it that is magnificent. It's in the Sierra mountain range, and at almost 8,000 feet, it seems close enough to heaven. We stopped at Twain Harte village(http://www.yosemitegold.com/yosemite/harte.html) for picnic supplies, then on to Pine Crest Lake http://www.fs.fed.us/r5/stanislaus/visitor/pinecrest.shtml
for a chilly lunch. Then we drove further up the mountains until we found "the spot". All the kids were there, and I was worried mostly about Matthew.
Matthew did just great. He wasn't upset at all, he was happy that his Papa was going to be in such a beautiful place, and that we could come visit him again. Joey had a rougher time, he was upset, but happy at the same time. Poor guy, it's so very confusing for him, he gets overwhelmed by his emotions sometimes.
Still, it felt good to get that box of ashes out of the house. By now, I've stopped thinking of the ashes as "him", and the box didn't represent Richard, and the things I knew and loved about him, they were just something that needed to be put in their rightful place. This spot was the right place. After a few words, and the children gently spreading the ashes (weird I know, but they wanted to do it, and it felt right), we came back home.
On Friday, we met a photographer at a local park, and had portraits done....with all the cousins and such. We got some great group shots, and some candids and some with just the kids and our individual families, even some with just David and I. The photographer was so terrific, she even gave me a CD with all the photos by SATURDAY, so that we could all see them together. Really a fun event and the pics are awesome!!!!
Saturday was football on TV and kids playing in the dirt, and lots of family time. Unfortunately, they had to leave on Sunday, which was actually pretty good timing! We were all getting tired, and 13 people in one house can be a little much. It was terrific, and I wouldn't change a thing. Lot's of bonding, silliness and new stories to tell next time we get together.
The next week was a blur, trying to recover from our visit. We made it to the Jelly Belly Factory for a tour http://jellybelly.com/Cultures/en-US/NewsEvents/Stores/Jelly+Belly+Visitor+Center+-+Fairfield.htmhttp://
which was amazingly fun! We got to try some new flavors, and we each brought home some candies. There is a HUGE factory outlet center nearby, so after the tour and some lunch, the kids actually let me shop for a bit.
We went to Chuck E. Cheese too. They wanted to go to the bowling alley to play video games, but that is very difficult with three kids and one adult. At CEC's they won't let you in without a kid, and they won't let you out without the kid you came with, so it feels a bit safer. I was able to sit near the door AND keep an eye on all three. No creepy men who should be at work were there either. The kids loved it, and that's what's important.
I wanted to attack Black Friday, but I found it difficult to plan with all three kids at home. I couldn't browse the papers for the best sales, and surf the web, because there were always little eyes peeking over my shoulder. I still managed to catch a sale or two, but only because my DH worked a double on Thanksgiving Day, so that he was home on Friday. I "couldn't" get up at 4am though, because he wasn't home yet....so I HAD to sleep in until 7! LOL!
The kids went back to school on the 27th, so things are getting back to "normal." Which means I should go to bed now, because I have to take all three to school bright and early.
November has been a very busy month. The kids went off track on the 26th of October. We had great fun on Halloween. I had a vampire, a bat, and a princess in my living room! The kids had a terrific time trick or treating, and had lots and lots of candy! We had some friends over and had a ball!
On the Second of November, I attended a service at the local Catholic Church. St. Anthony's was the church were my FIL's service was held last year. They do a special All Souls mass for those who have died in the past year. I roped my friend Zoe into coming with me. Her son attends the school at the church. She's Greek Orthodox and I'm Episcopalian. We made the perfect pair! DH couldn't attend because of work, but he wanted me to go. Hell, I wanted to go.
It was nice. The church is lovely, and even though I am not Catholic, I find a lot of comfort in the rituals (they say the Lord's Prayer "wrong", but still...). The best part was hearing Richards name out loud. I don't know why it meant so much, but it made him seem real again. We all miss him so much. Zoe was a great friend that night, handing me tissues, and sitting with me.
On the 8th, the East Coast contingent arrived. We had cousins and aunties and uncles....13 people were stuffed into my house. We had a huge Thanksgiving dinner that day, and talked late into the night. On Thursday, we got up and loaded into two minivans, and headed for the hills.
Richard had a favorite hunting spot, and there is a viewpoint/vista above it that is magnificent. It's in the Sierra mountain range, and at almost 8,000 feet, it seems close enough to heaven. We stopped at Twain Harte village(http://www.yosemitegold.com/yosemite/harte.html) for picnic supplies, then on to Pine Crest Lake http://www.fs.fed.us/r5/stanislaus/visitor/pinecrest.shtml
for a chilly lunch. Then we drove further up the mountains until we found "the spot". All the kids were there, and I was worried mostly about Matthew.
Matthew did just great. He wasn't upset at all, he was happy that his Papa was going to be in such a beautiful place, and that we could come visit him again. Joey had a rougher time, he was upset, but happy at the same time. Poor guy, it's so very confusing for him, he gets overwhelmed by his emotions sometimes.
Still, it felt good to get that box of ashes out of the house. By now, I've stopped thinking of the ashes as "him", and the box didn't represent Richard, and the things I knew and loved about him, they were just something that needed to be put in their rightful place. This spot was the right place. After a few words, and the children gently spreading the ashes (weird I know, but they wanted to do it, and it felt right), we came back home.
On Friday, we met a photographer at a local park, and had portraits done....with all the cousins and such. We got some great group shots, and some candids and some with just the kids and our individual families, even some with just David and I. The photographer was so terrific, she even gave me a CD with all the photos by SATURDAY, so that we could all see them together. Really a fun event and the pics are awesome!!!!
Saturday was football on TV and kids playing in the dirt, and lots of family time. Unfortunately, they had to leave on Sunday, which was actually pretty good timing! We were all getting tired, and 13 people in one house can be a little much. It was terrific, and I wouldn't change a thing. Lot's of bonding, silliness and new stories to tell next time we get together.
The next week was a blur, trying to recover from our visit. We made it to the Jelly Belly Factory for a tour http://jellybelly.com/Cultures/en-US/NewsEvents/Stores/Jelly+Belly+Visitor+Center+-+Fairfield.htmhttp://
which was amazingly fun! We got to try some new flavors, and we each brought home some candies. There is a HUGE factory outlet center nearby, so after the tour and some lunch, the kids actually let me shop for a bit.
We went to Chuck E. Cheese too. They wanted to go to the bowling alley to play video games, but that is very difficult with three kids and one adult. At CEC's they won't let you in without a kid, and they won't let you out without the kid you came with, so it feels a bit safer. I was able to sit near the door AND keep an eye on all three. No creepy men who should be at work were there either. The kids loved it, and that's what's important.
I wanted to attack Black Friday, but I found it difficult to plan with all three kids at home. I couldn't browse the papers for the best sales, and surf the web, because there were always little eyes peeking over my shoulder. I still managed to catch a sale or two, but only because my DH worked a double on Thanksgiving Day, so that he was home on Friday. I "couldn't" get up at 4am though, because he wasn't home yet....so I HAD to sleep in until 7! LOL!
The kids went back to school on the 27th, so things are getting back to "normal." Which means I should go to bed now, because I have to take all three to school bright and early.
10.27.2006
It ain't over until it's over...
The title company called this morning.
They "forgot" to have me sign a few things. So I made the 40 mile round trip right away. Supposedly, it's all done....but I thought the refi was done on Wednesday, didn't I?
DH is stressed to the max. I'd like to help him, but the best thing I can do is listen. It's tough sometimes, because he is very negative right now, but I understand why.
I started and finished the boys capes tonight. Not bad for a few hours of sewing, and it's not like they will be professionally judged (they better NOT be!). Matthews has some shimmery blue fabric for trim, much like mermaid stuff, and it is a bitch to sew with! I won't be buying any of that again!
Matthew came with me on my roadtrip this morning. We talked about Halloween a lot. Trick or treating, candy, costumes, all of it. At our house, the Tooth Fairy comes about a week after Halloween and takes all the candy. That way she doesn't have to collect any teeth with cavities. Matthew wondered if there might be a "Candy Fairy", who leaves some cash when she takes the candy......hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....too clever for his own good, I think.
They "forgot" to have me sign a few things. So I made the 40 mile round trip right away. Supposedly, it's all done....but I thought the refi was done on Wednesday, didn't I?
DH is stressed to the max. I'd like to help him, but the best thing I can do is listen. It's tough sometimes, because he is very negative right now, but I understand why.
I started and finished the boys capes tonight. Not bad for a few hours of sewing, and it's not like they will be professionally judged (they better NOT be!). Matthews has some shimmery blue fabric for trim, much like mermaid stuff, and it is a bitch to sew with! I won't be buying any of that again!
Matthew came with me on my roadtrip this morning. We talked about Halloween a lot. Trick or treating, candy, costumes, all of it. At our house, the Tooth Fairy comes about a week after Halloween and takes all the candy. That way she doesn't have to collect any teeth with cavities. Matthew wondered if there might be a "Candy Fairy", who leaves some cash when she takes the candy......hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....too clever for his own good, I think.
10.17.2006
Life trivia, pumpkins to vacations...
Well, the office is clean, but the living room is still a disaster!
I've been a bit sidetracked, trying to close my now 10-week old refi. (Note to self: DON'T USE FAMILY, no matter how much money you might save!) Every time my husband asks if it's near close yet, I cringe!
10/26...
The office is all but done, and finally.....FINALLY we closed on the refi. Honestly...don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever use a woman named Deborah Leatherwood at Countrywide. I wouldn't trust her to sharpen a pencil. We went to the closing yesterday....that's October 25th, and I double checked our original application....we applied for this baby on AUGUST 10th!!!. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever that it couldn't be closed within days, we had nothing complicated going on at all.
The kids started on their well deserved monthlong break today. They are quite excited. Matthew actually believed me for a second when I told him that I switched his track again, and he needed to report to school on Monday (mean, I know!). Joey burst out laughing and when Matthew caught on, he felt much better!
We're busy around here, so the break is just in time. The weather has been lovely, crisp mornings, but warm days. The cousins will be here in two weeks. Joey was in the school spelling bee yesterday. He was the 10th child eliminated, but he was the last 4th grader...pretty good for a first try. We'll take the kids to the pumpkin maze tomorrow, I need to relieve a little stress at the pumpkin blasters...http://pumpkinmaze.com/
I've been a bit sidetracked, trying to close my now 10-week old refi. (Note to self: DON'T USE FAMILY, no matter how much money you might save!) Every time my husband asks if it's near close yet, I cringe!
10/26...
The office is all but done, and finally.....FINALLY we closed on the refi. Honestly...don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever use a woman named Deborah Leatherwood at Countrywide. I wouldn't trust her to sharpen a pencil. We went to the closing yesterday....that's October 25th, and I double checked our original application....we applied for this baby on AUGUST 10th!!!. There was absolutely no reason whatsoever that it couldn't be closed within days, we had nothing complicated going on at all.
The kids started on their well deserved monthlong break today. They are quite excited. Matthew actually believed me for a second when I told him that I switched his track again, and he needed to report to school on Monday (mean, I know!). Joey burst out laughing and when Matthew caught on, he felt much better!
We're busy around here, so the break is just in time. The weather has been lovely, crisp mornings, but warm days. The cousins will be here in two weeks. Joey was in the school spelling bee yesterday. He was the 10th child eliminated, but he was the last 4th grader...pretty good for a first try. We'll take the kids to the pumpkin maze tomorrow, I need to relieve a little stress at the pumpkin blasters...http://pumpkinmaze.com/
10.15.2006
The anxiety monster
rears it's ugly head.
I've become skilled at talking myself thru my more anxious moments. Especially while I'm clearing clutter in the house. I've gotten thru the kids rooms just fine. Today, I started on the office. It's a HUGE mess, and a source of chaos in this house.
Yesterday, it seemed my whole house was quite tidy. Today, I'm searching for excuses not to work on the office. I know that working thru the clutter will actually bring the calm I am seeking. And, that ignoring it will only make me more anxious. Yet, here I am, blogging instead of working. I even tried to switch chores, and work on replacing the screen for the sliding glass door. I couldn't get the screen off, and asked DH to do it. He bent the frame, and it's all messed up now, so I have to buy a new one. I managed not to throw a fit over this, but I thought about it. I even realize that this does not have to be done TODAY, freeing me up for my original chore.....back to the office again.
I'll have a bit of lunch, then take another stab at it. As long as I am trying, I am not failing.
Well, it's evening now, and I managed to remove most of the stuff from the office. I tried to set up the old computer in the kids room, and have it functioning. I got the closet emptied, and vaccumed, and the large cabine and fan are empty and clean. Now I have the short cabinet, the bookcase and the desk to do. I'm feeling like I made some great progress, but there is a heap of mess in the living room. Still, I did push thru and get past my anxiousness. I even snuck in a round of Chuzzle as a reward.
My brother is here for the next four nights, and he'll be staying in the room, but I can sort and toss and file and have it put back together by Wednesday at the latest...I hope.
I've become skilled at talking myself thru my more anxious moments. Especially while I'm clearing clutter in the house. I've gotten thru the kids rooms just fine. Today, I started on the office. It's a HUGE mess, and a source of chaos in this house.
Yesterday, it seemed my whole house was quite tidy. Today, I'm searching for excuses not to work on the office. I know that working thru the clutter will actually bring the calm I am seeking. And, that ignoring it will only make me more anxious. Yet, here I am, blogging instead of working. I even tried to switch chores, and work on replacing the screen for the sliding glass door. I couldn't get the screen off, and asked DH to do it. He bent the frame, and it's all messed up now, so I have to buy a new one. I managed not to throw a fit over this, but I thought about it. I even realize that this does not have to be done TODAY, freeing me up for my original chore.....back to the office again.
I'll have a bit of lunch, then take another stab at it. As long as I am trying, I am not failing.
Well, it's evening now, and I managed to remove most of the stuff from the office. I tried to set up the old computer in the kids room, and have it functioning. I got the closet emptied, and vaccumed, and the large cabine and fan are empty and clean. Now I have the short cabinet, the bookcase and the desk to do. I'm feeling like I made some great progress, but there is a heap of mess in the living room. Still, I did push thru and get past my anxiousness. I even snuck in a round of Chuzzle as a reward.
My brother is here for the next four nights, and he'll be staying in the room, but I can sort and toss and file and have it put back together by Wednesday at the latest...I hope.
10.09.2006
Whew!
I took apart the boys room today. It's official, they really do have a million Legos, along with a half million K'nex. You'd think their fine motor skills would be fantastic, but they both write like med students.
I feel the need to sit and be still for minute. Here's what's happened so far today:
Up and dressed myself and three children, made breakfast for all, took them to school. After we dropped off the boys, I stopped at two auto parts stores, looking for windshield wipers for my minivan. No luck, either out of stock, or outrageously expensive. Took Hope to school, went to WallyWorld for cheap windshield wipers, looked at fleece for a class project, but couldn't find what I wanted. Found sweats for Matthew's Halloween costume, and came home.
Then I began to dump out the boys room. It only took an hour to clear the floor, and bring the entire mess to the living room. Then I picked up Hope from preschool, went to the craft store to catch a sale. I was hoping for a Halloween craft for Matthew's class, but I found a deal on a Christmas one, so I bought that. Then I ran by Ace Hardware, and returned a stapler from last week's chair recovering (This was the wrong one, with the staples that didn't fit, I kept the other one). Brought Hope home, who was now running a fever. Fed her lunch, gave her medicine, had a sandwich myself, and began to vacuum the boys room. Matthew's bed was coming unbolted, and I couldn't find the proper Allen wrench, so off to the hardware store again to get a new set. I also bought some rope and clothespins to make a baseball cap hanger for the boys room.
Then I ran to the grocery store to get something for dinner. I came home, handed off the wrench to DH (thanks honey!) , and picked the boys up at school. I spoke with Matthew's teacher for a moment to confirm party plans. Then we came home, and I worked on the boys closet for a bit. I got thru two thirds of it, weeding out old clothes, shoes, and those damn legos. Then it was time for dinner, while I finished up washing all their bedding.
After dinner, we lit a fire in the firepit, and roasted marshmallows. We even made s'mores with graham crackers and nutella, because I had no "real chocolate". I made the boys beds up, medicated Hope and put her to bed. Now I'm yelling at the boys every 15 minutes to be quiet and go to sleep, as they are extremely chatty tonight. I don't have much patience left, after working to clean their room all day.
Better put myself to bed as well.
I feel the need to sit and be still for minute. Here's what's happened so far today:
Up and dressed myself and three children, made breakfast for all, took them to school. After we dropped off the boys, I stopped at two auto parts stores, looking for windshield wipers for my minivan. No luck, either out of stock, or outrageously expensive. Took Hope to school, went to WallyWorld for cheap windshield wipers, looked at fleece for a class project, but couldn't find what I wanted. Found sweats for Matthew's Halloween costume, and came home.
Then I began to dump out the boys room. It only took an hour to clear the floor, and bring the entire mess to the living room. Then I picked up Hope from preschool, went to the craft store to catch a sale. I was hoping for a Halloween craft for Matthew's class, but I found a deal on a Christmas one, so I bought that. Then I ran by Ace Hardware, and returned a stapler from last week's chair recovering (This was the wrong one, with the staples that didn't fit, I kept the other one). Brought Hope home, who was now running a fever. Fed her lunch, gave her medicine, had a sandwich myself, and began to vacuum the boys room. Matthew's bed was coming unbolted, and I couldn't find the proper Allen wrench, so off to the hardware store again to get a new set. I also bought some rope and clothespins to make a baseball cap hanger for the boys room.
Then I ran to the grocery store to get something for dinner. I came home, handed off the wrench to DH (thanks honey!) , and picked the boys up at school. I spoke with Matthew's teacher for a moment to confirm party plans. Then we came home, and I worked on the boys closet for a bit. I got thru two thirds of it, weeding out old clothes, shoes, and those damn legos. Then it was time for dinner, while I finished up washing all their bedding.
After dinner, we lit a fire in the firepit, and roasted marshmallows. We even made s'mores with graham crackers and nutella, because I had no "real chocolate". I made the boys beds up, medicated Hope and put her to bed. Now I'm yelling at the boys every 15 minutes to be quiet and go to sleep, as they are extremely chatty tonight. I don't have much patience left, after working to clean their room all day.
Better put myself to bed as well.
10.08.2006
Autumn Weekend
The air is cool at night, and the leaves are just beginning to turn. The almond harvest is in, and the dust has settled (a bit).
Our bed has soft cotton sheets year round. We also have a light quilt for a bedcover, but don't use it much in the summer. In the cooler months we add an electric blanket. This has a lot to do with the fact that I am usually freezing in the winter, and my husband works nights, so I need the warmth. I wish he worked days.
After working six days straight, DH was home on Friday night around 10pm. At 11:30, we went to bed. He mentioned that it "might" be time to add the electric blanket, as the night was a bit cool. I insisted that he was wrong, that it wasn't late enough in the year.
Then Hope fell out of bed. I got up and checked her for bumps, and tucked her back in. By the time I got back to our room, I was freezing!!! So, I ripped the quilt off my dozing husband (who found this irritating for some reason), pulled out the electric blanket and spread it over the sheet. I plugged it in, and set my side on preheat. Not 5 minutes later, I was deliciously warm and toasty, and I slept better than I had all week. It occurred to me that I might have been cold!
On Saturday, we went to the pet store, then the Pumpkin Fair. It's a local street fair, and it was a nice afternoon to be out and about. I didn't see anything I "needed", but my kids got tons of candy from the vendors, and we were featured at my friends photography booth. (Shameless Plug: http://www.ourfuturestars.com/index.html)
Sunday, I made butternut squash soup. It was good, even if I put too much cinnamon in it. Ihttp://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Creamy-Butternut-Squash-With-Cinnamon-Soup/Detail.aspxttp:// I left out the clove too, since I don't like that either. I served it with tortellini, salad and bread, so the kids could try it, make a face, and eat their tortellini without complaining. We also watched football (49'ers won), NASCAR (Brian Vickers won, but he's a slimeball), and the kids playing in the yard all afternoon, before the weather turns.
The sunlight is so beautiful this time of year. I wanted to have an outdoor fire (in our new outdoor firepit!) and roast marshmallows, but DH had to go back to work tonight.
I've got the electric blanket set to "3".
Our bed has soft cotton sheets year round. We also have a light quilt for a bedcover, but don't use it much in the summer. In the cooler months we add an electric blanket. This has a lot to do with the fact that I am usually freezing in the winter, and my husband works nights, so I need the warmth. I wish he worked days.
After working six days straight, DH was home on Friday night around 10pm. At 11:30, we went to bed. He mentioned that it "might" be time to add the electric blanket, as the night was a bit cool. I insisted that he was wrong, that it wasn't late enough in the year.
Then Hope fell out of bed. I got up and checked her for bumps, and tucked her back in. By the time I got back to our room, I was freezing!!! So, I ripped the quilt off my dozing husband (who found this irritating for some reason), pulled out the electric blanket and spread it over the sheet. I plugged it in, and set my side on preheat. Not 5 minutes later, I was deliciously warm and toasty, and I slept better than I had all week. It occurred to me that I might have been cold!
On Saturday, we went to the pet store, then the Pumpkin Fair. It's a local street fair, and it was a nice afternoon to be out and about. I didn't see anything I "needed", but my kids got tons of candy from the vendors, and we were featured at my friends photography booth. (Shameless Plug: http://www.ourfuturestars.com/index.html)
Sunday, I made butternut squash soup. It was good, even if I put too much cinnamon in it. Ihttp://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Creamy-Butternut-Squash-With-Cinnamon-Soup/Detail.aspxttp:// I left out the clove too, since I don't like that either. I served it with tortellini, salad and bread, so the kids could try it, make a face, and eat their tortellini without complaining. We also watched football (49'ers won), NASCAR (Brian Vickers won, but he's a slimeball), and the kids playing in the yard all afternoon, before the weather turns.
The sunlight is so beautiful this time of year. I wanted to have an outdoor fire (in our new outdoor firepit!) and roast marshmallows, but DH had to go back to work tonight.
I've got the electric blanket set to "3".
10.06.2006
Martha and me...
While I have plenty of domestic skills, I'd still like to be really great at cake decorating, flower arranging and upholstery. I've compensated by finding a great baker, a good florist, and ...well...I can recover the seats of dining chairs, and make pillows.
When we bought the dining set for our kitchen, it was cherry wood with white upholstered seats. When the salesman asked me if I wanted to pay extra for scotchguarding, I said no. He actually smirked at me! The white was more than a bit jarring to the eye, and with three kids, I knew it wouldn't last more than a week no matter what! First night? Spilled milk. Luckily we hadn't removed the yuckky plastic covers. I went to the fabric store the next day and found a multicolored cotton tapestry that I liked. I did a fine job recovering those chairs. I left the plastic in place, and just covered right over it.
It's been a few years though. So today I removed the fabric and staples from the chairs, and thought about how much I liked that fabric. So much, that I ran it thru the washer, and to my surprise, it came out like brand new! I happily re-reupholstered my chairs, and cleaned and waxed the table, and it all looks so fresh.
I feel accomplished!
When we bought the dining set for our kitchen, it was cherry wood with white upholstered seats. When the salesman asked me if I wanted to pay extra for scotchguarding, I said no. He actually smirked at me! The white was more than a bit jarring to the eye, and with three kids, I knew it wouldn't last more than a week no matter what! First night? Spilled milk. Luckily we hadn't removed the yuckky plastic covers. I went to the fabric store the next day and found a multicolored cotton tapestry that I liked. I did a fine job recovering those chairs. I left the plastic in place, and just covered right over it.
It's been a few years though. So today I removed the fabric and staples from the chairs, and thought about how much I liked that fabric. So much, that I ran it thru the washer, and to my surprise, it came out like brand new! I happily re-reupholstered my chairs, and cleaned and waxed the table, and it all looks so fresh.
I feel accomplished!
10.05.2006
If you feed them, they will grow...
Today Hope and I ran some errands. Home Depot for some sand to put in our new outdoor fireplace, and to the grocery store for a few things. On the way, she noticed that some of the trees are starting to turn color. She's been learning about Autumn in preschool
"Mom, those leaves are changing, it's really Fall!" she said.
"I know honey, right now they're mostly yellow, but soon they will be red and brown and will fall off the trees", I replied.
"Yep, that's life", she said sagely.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
"You know, that's "life"....like when you put me in bed and cover me with soft blankee and I say "Ahhh, this is the life!"...it's like that. "
And I remembered how that feels, the "This is the life!" feeling, for just a moment.
I savored. The joy of her growing up is more painful that I thought it would ever be.
"Mom, those leaves are changing, it's really Fall!" she said.
"I know honey, right now they're mostly yellow, but soon they will be red and brown and will fall off the trees", I replied.
"Yep, that's life", she said sagely.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
"You know, that's "life"....like when you put me in bed and cover me with soft blankee and I say "Ahhh, this is the life!"...it's like that. "
And I remembered how that feels, the "This is the life!" feeling, for just a moment.
I savored. The joy of her growing up is more painful that I thought it would ever be.
10.04.2006
Mental Floss
Here's the saga of Dr. Steve.
As a child, I almost never saw the dentist, my Mom didn't make it a priority. Luckily, I was raised with fluoridated water, and seem to have decent teeth. I don't remember too many problems until I was 20, and my wisdom teeth began to cause some significant pain. I was also fortunate to be working at a job with decent medical and dental coverage at the time.
So someone at work recommended Dr. Steve. I was unsure of how to even behave in a dental office, but his staff seemed nice enough. I walked in to my first appointment to find a short, fat, Japanese man who was limping barefoot in around the office. It was Steve.
He's a warm funny workaholic. Seems he'd been in a car accident that morning, and had sprained his ankle. When the swelling started to slow him down, he just removed his shoes and worked anyway. He decided to clean my teeth himself, as he was "the best technician" he knew, and he wanted to make sure that I didn't have any pain. He ended up having to do the complete cleaning over three visits. When he was done, I had a brilliant smile and was a bit in love with him. No, not like that....I just adored my dentist and wouldn't hesitate to come back. Every cliche and stereotype just wasn't true anymore.
Once we got the maintenance under control, we talked about my wisdom teeth. The x-rays showed that at least one was impacted, so Steve recommended an oral surgeon. I didn't want novacaine, I wanted to be knocked out, so he sent me to Dr. T. I went thru a complete pre-surgical exam before I heard some news about Dr. T's reputation. He worked in a large medical building with a valet garage. The bench downstairs was called the "T Memorial Bench" because of his patients, who often returned to the parking garage pasty white, and unsteady on their feet. That was all I needed. Steve dug a little deeper and found a new surgeon for me.
While the new guy did a fine job, I had some lingering nerve damage on the right side of my jaw. Steve helped refill my Vicodin prescription twice, then took to time to explain just how addictive those pills were. Once again, he was my samurai in shining armour. I went cold turkey, and the nerve stopped hurting not too long after.
I've been going to Dr. Steve for 20 years now, and he's still a workaholic. He's just as friendly as ever, and now my husband sees him too. He won't treat my kids because "well, Jill, the only kid I have to treat is my own".
DH and I went and had our teeth cleaned today. It's over an hour away, and I'll make that drive until I'm 100, if he's still around.
As a child, I almost never saw the dentist, my Mom didn't make it a priority. Luckily, I was raised with fluoridated water, and seem to have decent teeth. I don't remember too many problems until I was 20, and my wisdom teeth began to cause some significant pain. I was also fortunate to be working at a job with decent medical and dental coverage at the time.
So someone at work recommended Dr. Steve. I was unsure of how to even behave in a dental office, but his staff seemed nice enough. I walked in to my first appointment to find a short, fat, Japanese man who was limping barefoot in around the office. It was Steve.
He's a warm funny workaholic. Seems he'd been in a car accident that morning, and had sprained his ankle. When the swelling started to slow him down, he just removed his shoes and worked anyway. He decided to clean my teeth himself, as he was "the best technician" he knew, and he wanted to make sure that I didn't have any pain. He ended up having to do the complete cleaning over three visits. When he was done, I had a brilliant smile and was a bit in love with him. No, not like that....I just adored my dentist and wouldn't hesitate to come back. Every cliche and stereotype just wasn't true anymore.
Once we got the maintenance under control, we talked about my wisdom teeth. The x-rays showed that at least one was impacted, so Steve recommended an oral surgeon. I didn't want novacaine, I wanted to be knocked out, so he sent me to Dr. T. I went thru a complete pre-surgical exam before I heard some news about Dr. T's reputation. He worked in a large medical building with a valet garage. The bench downstairs was called the "T Memorial Bench" because of his patients, who often returned to the parking garage pasty white, and unsteady on their feet. That was all I needed. Steve dug a little deeper and found a new surgeon for me.
While the new guy did a fine job, I had some lingering nerve damage on the right side of my jaw. Steve helped refill my Vicodin prescription twice, then took to time to explain just how addictive those pills were. Once again, he was my samurai in shining armour. I went cold turkey, and the nerve stopped hurting not too long after.
I've been going to Dr. Steve for 20 years now, and he's still a workaholic. He's just as friendly as ever, and now my husband sees him too. He won't treat my kids because "well, Jill, the only kid I have to treat is my own".
DH and I went and had our teeth cleaned today. It's over an hour away, and I'll make that drive until I'm 100, if he's still around.
10.03.2006
Political Name Calling....
I've absolutely had it up to here with idiotic Americans. Here is a small sampling of first hand comments I've had to listen to today:
"You know, I read that Democrats have a lower birthrate than Republicans do....probably because they're all gay!" - S. a twice married mother of three, who fights daily with her ex over custody issues in front of the kids. She cannot spell "marrier" either. Apparently she's unfamiliar with birth control, as most Dem's I know use it. She's also unaware that children don't always grow up to join their parents political party either...apparently she's never heard of the 1960's.
"I put that 10 foot flagpole in my front yard because I want my illegal immigrant neighbors to know that I'm an American who believes in fences" - R. A boy scout troop leader, who's neighbors aren't illegals, they're immigrants, United States citizens who speak with an accent, and run a yard service business. If he actually spoke with them, and got past his personal stereotypes of those "Mexicans", he'd find out that they are actually from Honduras and have been here for 18 years.
There have been a dozen snippets about GW Bush visiting a nearby town yesterday as well. While plenty of folks in this town believe that it is a special, and singular honor, they fail to comprehend that he showed up in a city of 250.000 people. At an airport that has no commercial passenger flights, just a UPS hub and some private planes. He was within spitting distance of a major metropolitan area with 8 million people, and a state of the art airport with the latest anti-terrorist security features. Within spitting distance the other side of the capital of California, where a Republican Governor sits, but couldn't make the time to see him. Why? Because he is a moron of the first order, and he would be booed and picketed in the Bay Area, and the Governor can't be associated with him because he's up for reelection in November.
We've got a Congressman who should be in jail for soliciting sex from minor boys and using his Congressional title as influence over these same boys, who's in rehab "because alcohol is a major factor" and "I was abused by clergy as a child".
I cannot watch local television nor answer my telephone without being assaulted by political messages from both parties.
I'm not a Republican or a Democrat. I'm just a wife, mother and child who believes that those of us who are lucky enough to have "enough" should share it with others. I believe that government's job is to maintain the union, protect it's people, and educate.
I believe that sometimes, people need to be pushed to do what's right. I believe that morality cannot be completely legislated. I believe that religion is personal, and it isn't anyone else's business. I believe that church is for people who need it. I believe a woman has the right to choose what happens to her own body. I believe that democracy is NOT the best thing for everyone in the whole wide world, and that there should be many governments and cultures. I think the killing in Iraq is wrong, and I believe that the United States should never have gone there.
I believe that terrorists will never win. I believe that intelligent life may exist on other planets, but it's damn hard to find on this one.
"You know, I read that Democrats have a lower birthrate than Republicans do....probably because they're all gay!" - S. a twice married mother of three, who fights daily with her ex over custody issues in front of the kids. She cannot spell "marrier" either. Apparently she's unfamiliar with birth control, as most Dem's I know use it. She's also unaware that children don't always grow up to join their parents political party either...apparently she's never heard of the 1960's.
"I put that 10 foot flagpole in my front yard because I want my illegal immigrant neighbors to know that I'm an American who believes in fences" - R. A boy scout troop leader, who's neighbors aren't illegals, they're immigrants, United States citizens who speak with an accent, and run a yard service business. If he actually spoke with them, and got past his personal stereotypes of those "Mexicans", he'd find out that they are actually from Honduras and have been here for 18 years.
There have been a dozen snippets about GW Bush visiting a nearby town yesterday as well. While plenty of folks in this town believe that it is a special, and singular honor, they fail to comprehend that he showed up in a city of 250.000 people. At an airport that has no commercial passenger flights, just a UPS hub and some private planes. He was within spitting distance of a major metropolitan area with 8 million people, and a state of the art airport with the latest anti-terrorist security features. Within spitting distance the other side of the capital of California, where a Republican Governor sits, but couldn't make the time to see him. Why? Because he is a moron of the first order, and he would be booed and picketed in the Bay Area, and the Governor can't be associated with him because he's up for reelection in November.
We've got a Congressman who should be in jail for soliciting sex from minor boys and using his Congressional title as influence over these same boys, who's in rehab "because alcohol is a major factor" and "I was abused by clergy as a child".
I cannot watch local television nor answer my telephone without being assaulted by political messages from both parties.
I'm not a Republican or a Democrat. I'm just a wife, mother and child who believes that those of us who are lucky enough to have "enough" should share it with others. I believe that government's job is to maintain the union, protect it's people, and educate.
I believe that sometimes, people need to be pushed to do what's right. I believe that morality cannot be completely legislated. I believe that religion is personal, and it isn't anyone else's business. I believe that church is for people who need it. I believe a woman has the right to choose what happens to her own body. I believe that democracy is NOT the best thing for everyone in the whole wide world, and that there should be many governments and cultures. I think the killing in Iraq is wrong, and I believe that the United States should never have gone there.
I believe that terrorists will never win. I believe that intelligent life may exist on other planets, but it's damn hard to find on this one.
9.20.2006
I pledge "ball-e-jance", to the....
Hope is enjoying preschool.
She's already got a best friend, who is also her boyfriend. "We have to be, mama" she says. "We're both the only fours in the class, and Salem pushes me on the swing whenever I want him to!".
I picked her up today, only to watch Salem blow her a kiss goodbye. Not sure how I feel about that. She didn't return the kiss, but certainly felt it was her due. "I love him, and he loves me Mom".
She's taken to calling me "Mom" lately. The boys still call me Mommy or Mama, and I'm spoiled. I don't like it as much, it seems too grown up. She is growing fast right now, and I'm proud of her, but I'd like to squeeze a bit more babying into her.
Right now, she's showing her brothers how she salutes the flag. "It's only a little boring, you put this hand on your heart, and the other hand on your hip, like this". Then you sing a song and pledge some stuff, but I can't remember it all"....the boys actually started to teach her the wrong words....so I had to be the Mom and a "Good American", and stop them. Can you imagine, Friday in preschool, my daughter using potty talk during the pledge?? This town just couldn't handle it.
She's already got a best friend, who is also her boyfriend. "We have to be, mama" she says. "We're both the only fours in the class, and Salem pushes me on the swing whenever I want him to!".
I picked her up today, only to watch Salem blow her a kiss goodbye. Not sure how I feel about that. She didn't return the kiss, but certainly felt it was her due. "I love him, and he loves me Mom".
She's taken to calling me "Mom" lately. The boys still call me Mommy or Mama, and I'm spoiled. I don't like it as much, it seems too grown up. She is growing fast right now, and I'm proud of her, but I'd like to squeeze a bit more babying into her.
Right now, she's showing her brothers how she salutes the flag. "It's only a little boring, you put this hand on your heart, and the other hand on your hip, like this". Then you sing a song and pledge some stuff, but I can't remember it all"....the boys actually started to teach her the wrong words....so I had to be the Mom and a "Good American", and stop them. Can you imagine, Friday in preschool, my daughter using potty talk during the pledge?? This town just couldn't handle it.
9.17.2006
Mini-break
So I took the kids out of school for a week.
Because of our track change, they missed out on their regular vacation time. Both are excited and happy in their classrooms, but their next break doesn't come until November. They've been in class since July 10th. It was time for a break.
We wanted to go to Oregon for a few days, but just couldn't swing it. There wasn't a hotel room for 100 miles because of the Oklahoma game (Yell - O Ducks!). David really can't take much time off right now, as his company has been threatening a lockout every week for the past month.
So David took them to the movies on Thursday, and we both took them up to the gold country on Friday. I showed them a candy store in Jackson that still sells all the "old" candies from Sen-Sen to PopRocks to Sky Bars, and jawbreakers as big as a baseball! I let them choose something, and then bought a big butterfly lollipop for Hope (she stayed home with Grandma, because she didn't want to miss pre-school).
On Saturday, we all watched the Duck game on TV, and boy was that fun. It was a real "family" party, with the kids cheering and going wild!! Monday and Tuesday we're going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium to see the new Great White Shark. I'll send them back to school on Thursday, Wednesday's only a half day anyways.
We've managed to pack a lot into this mini-vacation, right here at home.
Because of our track change, they missed out on their regular vacation time. Both are excited and happy in their classrooms, but their next break doesn't come until November. They've been in class since July 10th. It was time for a break.
We wanted to go to Oregon for a few days, but just couldn't swing it. There wasn't a hotel room for 100 miles because of the Oklahoma game (Yell - O Ducks!). David really can't take much time off right now, as his company has been threatening a lockout every week for the past month.
So David took them to the movies on Thursday, and we both took them up to the gold country on Friday. I showed them a candy store in Jackson that still sells all the "old" candies from Sen-Sen to PopRocks to Sky Bars, and jawbreakers as big as a baseball! I let them choose something, and then bought a big butterfly lollipop for Hope (she stayed home with Grandma, because she didn't want to miss pre-school).
On Saturday, we all watched the Duck game on TV, and boy was that fun. It was a real "family" party, with the kids cheering and going wild!! Monday and Tuesday we're going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium to see the new Great White Shark. I'll send them back to school on Thursday, Wednesday's only a half day anyways.
We've managed to pack a lot into this mini-vacation, right here at home.
Too Melancholy
Last week had me feeling more than a bit melancholy. Besides the 9/11 stuff, my kids are feeling the pain of losing someone they loved, again.
If you're a regular here, you know my FIL died last November. My husband still misses his Dad every single day. He's doing fine, but the pain is there, and it's palpable. Still, he's doing well enough, and setting a great example to our sons about feelings and how to handle them.
Then Steve Irwin died. No, he is not a personal friend of the family. However, my boys literally grew up with Steve on TV. Matthew is the same age as his daughter, and then there is the Eugene, Oregon connection. The boys know that Steve's wife is from Eugene, and my brother (their Uncle) was Terri's neighbor before she up and moved to Australia. Both of them watched Steve on TV regularly and wildlife programming is a favorite.
Let me digress for a moment. The boys TV watching habits were almost exclusively Animal Planet for a long time. They both care a lot about animals and the zoo is still a favorite outing. About 3 years ago, someone gave me free tickets to the circus, so I took the boys. They were excited to see the performers and the animals. The Ringmaster really talked up the Lion and Tiger experience. My sons HATED it. They thought it was cruel to make the animals perform, instead of just having a chance to learn about their "real" behavior. They were 5 and 6 at the time.
Anyways, back to the original point. Steve's death is very, very real to the boys. They are both tying the event back to their beloved Papa as well. The Croc Hunter programming is still all over the TV. Add the promos that Animal Planet and Discovery are running and, well, I've had to put a ban on both channels for a few days, while they both work thru this a bit. I spent last Sunday with Joey sobbing in my arms on three separate occasions thru the day. I would do anything to take away the pain, but I'm settling for him actually understanding that I know what kind of pain he feels.
Matthew is taking the avoidance route, and it's not good. He didn't do well at the funeral last year, and my Mom had to take him home. I made a bad parenting call for the sake of seeing my seven year old in a suit. I still regret it, and have tried to talk to Matthew about it more than once, but he still gets very upset.
My SIL has already scheduled a visit in November, so that we can spread her Dad's ashes. Matthew doesn't know that they are in a box in the living room, and have been for almost a year. He may very well FREAK OUT when I tell him. I haven't a clue what Joey will do either. I just know I have to start talking about this now, so that they will be OK bu the time the East Coast contingent arrives, right after Halloween.
If you're a regular here, you know my FIL died last November. My husband still misses his Dad every single day. He's doing fine, but the pain is there, and it's palpable. Still, he's doing well enough, and setting a great example to our sons about feelings and how to handle them.
Then Steve Irwin died. No, he is not a personal friend of the family. However, my boys literally grew up with Steve on TV. Matthew is the same age as his daughter, and then there is the Eugene, Oregon connection. The boys know that Steve's wife is from Eugene, and my brother (their Uncle) was Terri's neighbor before she up and moved to Australia. Both of them watched Steve on TV regularly and wildlife programming is a favorite.
Let me digress for a moment. The boys TV watching habits were almost exclusively Animal Planet for a long time. They both care a lot about animals and the zoo is still a favorite outing. About 3 years ago, someone gave me free tickets to the circus, so I took the boys. They were excited to see the performers and the animals. The Ringmaster really talked up the Lion and Tiger experience. My sons HATED it. They thought it was cruel to make the animals perform, instead of just having a chance to learn about their "real" behavior. They were 5 and 6 at the time.
Anyways, back to the original point. Steve's death is very, very real to the boys. They are both tying the event back to their beloved Papa as well. The Croc Hunter programming is still all over the TV. Add the promos that Animal Planet and Discovery are running and, well, I've had to put a ban on both channels for a few days, while they both work thru this a bit. I spent last Sunday with Joey sobbing in my arms on three separate occasions thru the day. I would do anything to take away the pain, but I'm settling for him actually understanding that I know what kind of pain he feels.
Matthew is taking the avoidance route, and it's not good. He didn't do well at the funeral last year, and my Mom had to take him home. I made a bad parenting call for the sake of seeing my seven year old in a suit. I still regret it, and have tried to talk to Matthew about it more than once, but he still gets very upset.
My SIL has already scheduled a visit in November, so that we can spread her Dad's ashes. Matthew doesn't know that they are in a box in the living room, and have been for almost a year. He may very well FREAK OUT when I tell him. I haven't a clue what Joey will do either. I just know I have to start talking about this now, so that they will be OK bu the time the East Coast contingent arrives, right after Halloween.
9.12.2006
September 11th
I should probably leave this topic alone, but I'm full of rage.
Monday was a day of significance, a day to honor those who died, and a day to appreciate all the things that make America...well, American. It's a day to remember. Here's what I remember:
George W. Bush sitting in a classroom, with his mouth hanging open like the idiot he is, doing nothing. Then "hiding" on Air Force One while real men and women tried to do anything to help their fellow human beings, regardless of skin color, gender, beliefs or any other reasons.
Watching news footage and thinking that I was seeing a movie promo for something that just wasn't real. Then, the absolute horror of finding out that it was so very real.
Wondering if I knew anyone who was on the San Francisco bound plane.
Realizing that my children should NOT be watching this (they were 3 and 4 at the time).
Having contraction after contraction (I was 24 weeks pregnant at the time). Calling the advice nurse, and having her explain to me that this was serious, and that if they didn't stop, I needed to go to San Francisco, as they had a NICU that specialized in severe preemies. The first realization that this baby wasn't really "viable" if born that day, and that I needed to make it stop...NOW!
The crushing feeling that I'd lost all hope. I HATED that feeling, and resolved not to let it happen again.
This year, it fell on my BUNKO night, and the hostess thought "it would be cute" to commemorate the occasion by using a 9/11 theme on our scorecards. Then one woman wanted to talk about the movie that ABC ran and how "factual" it was. Another launched into a diatribe about "those Muslims and how they are all trying to "kill us good Christians". I finally suggested that we talk about something more appropriate, without actually throwing a hissyfit.
I came home, and looked at my precious, almost 5 year old daughter sleeping, and whispered to her that she truly was "the most beautiful baby ever". I hold Hope in my arms every day, and I thank all the powers that be that she is mine.
No one can ever take that away from me. I just want to love my family, and be left alone by this asinine government, and the idiotic folks who believe anything that comes out of a preacher or president's mouth. Right now, I'd give my left boob for some intelligent leadership...or is that an oxymoron?
Monday was a day of significance, a day to honor those who died, and a day to appreciate all the things that make America...well, American. It's a day to remember. Here's what I remember:
George W. Bush sitting in a classroom, with his mouth hanging open like the idiot he is, doing nothing. Then "hiding" on Air Force One while real men and women tried to do anything to help their fellow human beings, regardless of skin color, gender, beliefs or any other reasons.
Watching news footage and thinking that I was seeing a movie promo for something that just wasn't real. Then, the absolute horror of finding out that it was so very real.
Wondering if I knew anyone who was on the San Francisco bound plane.
Realizing that my children should NOT be watching this (they were 3 and 4 at the time).
Having contraction after contraction (I was 24 weeks pregnant at the time). Calling the advice nurse, and having her explain to me that this was serious, and that if they didn't stop, I needed to go to San Francisco, as they had a NICU that specialized in severe preemies. The first realization that this baby wasn't really "viable" if born that day, and that I needed to make it stop...NOW!
The crushing feeling that I'd lost all hope. I HATED that feeling, and resolved not to let it happen again.
This year, it fell on my BUNKO night, and the hostess thought "it would be cute" to commemorate the occasion by using a 9/11 theme on our scorecards. Then one woman wanted to talk about the movie that ABC ran and how "factual" it was. Another launched into a diatribe about "those Muslims and how they are all trying to "kill us good Christians". I finally suggested that we talk about something more appropriate, without actually throwing a hissyfit.
I came home, and looked at my precious, almost 5 year old daughter sleeping, and whispered to her that she truly was "the most beautiful baby ever". I hold Hope in my arms every day, and I thank all the powers that be that she is mine.
No one can ever take that away from me. I just want to love my family, and be left alone by this asinine government, and the idiotic folks who believe anything that comes out of a preacher or president's mouth. Right now, I'd give my left boob for some intelligent leadership...or is that an oxymoron?
9.01.2006
Go fly a kite!
It's Friday!!!!!!
After dinner, I took the kids over to the park so the boys could play with their AirHogs. Toy rating: 4 out of a possible 10. The batteries wear out too quickly and the things don't fly nearly as well as they do on TV.
Hope has a Strawberry Shortcake kite my Dad brought her earlier this week. We put it together, and had it up in about 40 seconds flat. The wind was absolutely perfect, and she was able to hold and fly it really well. I taught her that she could sit down and fly it too. Me? I was laying on the grass, soaking it all in.
Summer nites are just the best!
After dinner, I took the kids over to the park so the boys could play with their AirHogs. Toy rating: 4 out of a possible 10. The batteries wear out too quickly and the things don't fly nearly as well as they do on TV.
Hope has a Strawberry Shortcake kite my Dad brought her earlier this week. We put it together, and had it up in about 40 seconds flat. The wind was absolutely perfect, and she was able to hold and fly it really well. I taught her that she could sit down and fly it too. Me? I was laying on the grass, soaking it all in.
Summer nites are just the best!
8.31.2006
Garage Conquest!!!!!!!
I've lived in this house for almost 4 years.
I've parked the car in the garage a total of about three months.
Our garage is a catch-all. From plastic Aubergine bookends (wedding present) to Zebra beachtowels...it's all in here. Some stuff I sorted thru today?
Birthday cards from my 24th thru 30th birthdays. To me, from many people, some of whom I don't even remember - I tossed these, but kept many other papers I probably should have chucked. There were some notes from guys I used to work with....apparently I was a bit flirty!
I found the vest my husband wore with his tux the day we were married - that got put away in the "wedding memories box".
Old photos - of my nephews when they were small, and me when I was in high school.
My FIL's things - those were a bit tough. I found his hat and glasses, his duffelbag that was at the hospital with him, and his old prosthesis, two of them. It's a bit wacky to be looking at two fake right legs, and not know what to do with them. Yes, several jokes crossed my mind, which Richard would have liked. Still, I need to call someone and see if something can be done with them. It's ridiculous and creepy at the same time to have them still.
It's Ibuprofen and bed for me.
I've parked the car in the garage a total of about three months.
Our garage is a catch-all. From plastic Aubergine bookends (wedding present) to Zebra beachtowels...it's all in here. Some stuff I sorted thru today?
Birthday cards from my 24th thru 30th birthdays. To me, from many people, some of whom I don't even remember - I tossed these, but kept many other papers I probably should have chucked. There were some notes from guys I used to work with....apparently I was a bit flirty!
I found the vest my husband wore with his tux the day we were married - that got put away in the "wedding memories box".
Old photos - of my nephews when they were small, and me when I was in high school.
My FIL's things - those were a bit tough. I found his hat and glasses, his duffelbag that was at the hospital with him, and his old prosthesis, two of them. It's a bit wacky to be looking at two fake right legs, and not know what to do with them. Yes, several jokes crossed my mind, which Richard would have liked. Still, I need to call someone and see if something can be done with them. It's ridiculous and creepy at the same time to have them still.
It's Ibuprofen and bed for me.
8.26.2006
Why I hate porn...
Today, I walked into the computer room, to find a clip of a woman giving head playing on my 19 inch monitor. My daughter (as usual) was following close behind me. She's 4.
It's impossible to describe my feelings accurately, as it literally punched all my buttons at the same time, and added a few new ones to my circutboard.
Normally, porn is something that I ignore. My DH is an occasional user, and will sometimes receive a link from a friend (?) DH knows that I don't really approve, because, like millions of women, it makes me feel inadequate. I really don't need help to make myself feel this way, and while DH has heard me out on the issue, he's honest about what he does and doesn't look at, and I kinda respect that too.
My child had absolutely no idea what she was looking at, and I was very quick to close the window. "What she did or didn't see" is not an issue here. I do not want her exposed to strangers having sex. Period. It wasn't really anything I thought of before that exact moment, but there it is.
It also punched my buttons regarding women who participate in the porn industry. Yep, I'm one of those people who think they are being objectified and often abused. I don't think it is "normal" to want to have sex with strangers in front of a camera. Call me a prude, I'll deal with it.
Then my mind leapfrogs to the whole..."but that IS somebody's little girl" issue. And I can't let go of that idea. I cannot imagine how my husband, the father of the most beautiful little girl in the universe, can ever look at another woman without realizing that they are all somebody's daughter. This, apparently, is a big hangup for me. I'm wondering what his take is on it.
We haven't been able to have a conversation about it yet because we've had a very busy day. I'm planning on taking him out tomorrow night, just so we can try to work thru it.
I thought that by taking a few minutes to write out my impressions, I'd get some clarity on the issue, but it's just as complicated as ever. Sex is just a small part of this, it's the associations, experiences, trust issues, self esteem, fantasy, and potential for my kids that's all wrapped inside it.
That's why I hate porn.
It's impossible to describe my feelings accurately, as it literally punched all my buttons at the same time, and added a few new ones to my circutboard.
Normally, porn is something that I ignore. My DH is an occasional user, and will sometimes receive a link from a friend (?) DH knows that I don't really approve, because, like millions of women, it makes me feel inadequate. I really don't need help to make myself feel this way, and while DH has heard me out on the issue, he's honest about what he does and doesn't look at, and I kinda respect that too.
My child had absolutely no idea what she was looking at, and I was very quick to close the window. "What she did or didn't see" is not an issue here. I do not want her exposed to strangers having sex. Period. It wasn't really anything I thought of before that exact moment, but there it is.
It also punched my buttons regarding women who participate in the porn industry. Yep, I'm one of those people who think they are being objectified and often abused. I don't think it is "normal" to want to have sex with strangers in front of a camera. Call me a prude, I'll deal with it.
Then my mind leapfrogs to the whole..."but that IS somebody's little girl" issue. And I can't let go of that idea. I cannot imagine how my husband, the father of the most beautiful little girl in the universe, can ever look at another woman without realizing that they are all somebody's daughter. This, apparently, is a big hangup for me. I'm wondering what his take is on it.
We haven't been able to have a conversation about it yet because we've had a very busy day. I'm planning on taking him out tomorrow night, just so we can try to work thru it.
I thought that by taking a few minutes to write out my impressions, I'd get some clarity on the issue, but it's just as complicated as ever. Sex is just a small part of this, it's the associations, experiences, trust issues, self esteem, fantasy, and potential for my kids that's all wrapped inside it.
That's why I hate porn.
8.25.2006
Busy Day
Ok, so how's this for incorporating change?
DH got home at 4am. We talked for a few minutes before I slipped back into a deep sleep.
Up at 7am, fed, cleaned and clothed three kids. Decided to wait on a shower for myself. Took the boys to school, then got a call from the Realtor regarding a property I wanted to see for BIL. Went to the grocery store, dropped Hope at preschool...(note to self: Take a shower BEFORE dropping her off...you have to go inside and sign her in, not just drop at the curb like elementary school....looking decent at a distance won't cut it!)
Came home, showered, ironed something that didn't look too housewifey, met the realtor, came home, switched cars, filled the minivan with gas, picked up Hope at preschool, looking MUCH smarter than I did when I dropped her off. Made a bazillion phone calls, took the minivan thru the carwash, came home, made lunch for Hope and I, did dishes, cleaned three toilets and two bathrooms....sat on my ass for 15 whole minutes doing nothing!
Then I picked up the boys, picked up my friends kids at another school, made dinner, and actually enjoyed the rest of the evening with the kids, their Dad, and doing dishes.
I'm beat....
DH got home at 4am. We talked for a few minutes before I slipped back into a deep sleep.
Up at 7am, fed, cleaned and clothed three kids. Decided to wait on a shower for myself. Took the boys to school, then got a call from the Realtor regarding a property I wanted to see for BIL. Went to the grocery store, dropped Hope at preschool...(note to self: Take a shower BEFORE dropping her off...you have to go inside and sign her in, not just drop at the curb like elementary school....looking decent at a distance won't cut it!)
Came home, showered, ironed something that didn't look too housewifey, met the realtor, came home, switched cars, filled the minivan with gas, picked up Hope at preschool, looking MUCH smarter than I did when I dropped her off. Made a bazillion phone calls, took the minivan thru the carwash, came home, made lunch for Hope and I, did dishes, cleaned three toilets and two bathrooms....sat on my ass for 15 whole minutes doing nothing!
Then I picked up the boys, picked up my friends kids at another school, made dinner, and actually enjoyed the rest of the evening with the kids, their Dad, and doing dishes.
I'm beat....
8.24.2006
Matthew made GATE!!!
Yep, I'm bragging...again....
Matthew was tested for the Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) Program today....and he made it! I'm thrilled for him!
It's been a tough parenting issue. While I want to encourage Matthew to do his best, and I believe (like all my children) he is a very bright and gifted child, I don't want the boys to compete. No, really....stop laughing....
I know they'll always be a bit competitive, but I don't want it to be because of anything I've done directly, nor do I want to encourage competition. One of Matthew's main motivators was because Joey was accepted into the program last year. David and I have spent the past year telling Matthew that we believe he is just as smart as Joey, but the GATE test isn't something that every smart kid passes. We're proud of Matthew no matter what.
And then, today....he was tested. He was told to keep it a secret because not all the kids that were evaluated made it. The little stinker didn't say anything until we pulled up at school tonight at 6pm for Back to School Night. He just couldn't hold it in any longer.
I'm so pleased and proud of him! His teacher is pleased too.
Matthew was tested for the Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) Program today....and he made it! I'm thrilled for him!
It's been a tough parenting issue. While I want to encourage Matthew to do his best, and I believe (like all my children) he is a very bright and gifted child, I don't want the boys to compete. No, really....stop laughing....
I know they'll always be a bit competitive, but I don't want it to be because of anything I've done directly, nor do I want to encourage competition. One of Matthew's main motivators was because Joey was accepted into the program last year. David and I have spent the past year telling Matthew that we believe he is just as smart as Joey, but the GATE test isn't something that every smart kid passes. We're proud of Matthew no matter what.
And then, today....he was tested. He was told to keep it a secret because not all the kids that were evaluated made it. The little stinker didn't say anything until we pulled up at school tonight at 6pm for Back to School Night. He just couldn't hold it in any longer.
I'm so pleased and proud of him! His teacher is pleased too.
8.23.2006
Back on the Bitch Wagon....
When I picked up the boys at school today, Joey asked to go over to a friends house . I said yes, if it was OK with Cade's Mom and I would pick him up at 5. Joey and Cade ran and asked, and told me it was OK, so I said goodbye. He's been there before, I've met the parents, no biggie.
I pulled up right on time today, and could hear music BLARING! I rang the bell....no answer. The music paused, so I rang the bell again...twice this time. I rang two more times, then banged on the door. The second time, I knocked even harder. The third time, I was getting more than a little pissed, and when I knocked, the door pushed open a bit.
So I went in. Joey, Cade and another boy were playing with Jedi swords, music blasting. I yelled over the music to have Joey come with me. Finally the boys turned off the music. Joey said goodbye, and I asked Cade if there was an adult around. He said his Mom was up in the computer room.
Nice.
I never saw her, it never registered that I was there. She was asleep for all I know.
I'm furious. These boys are 9 years old, and while they don't need complete supervision, the do need SOME. Blasting music with the front door unlocked? ANYTHING could have happened, including someone walking into the house, and removing a child, without the supervising adult being aware of it....JUST LIKE I DID TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what I'll say when I run into her again....
I pulled up right on time today, and could hear music BLARING! I rang the bell....no answer. The music paused, so I rang the bell again...twice this time. I rang two more times, then banged on the door. The second time, I knocked even harder. The third time, I was getting more than a little pissed, and when I knocked, the door pushed open a bit.
So I went in. Joey, Cade and another boy were playing with Jedi swords, music blasting. I yelled over the music to have Joey come with me. Finally the boys turned off the music. Joey said goodbye, and I asked Cade if there was an adult around. He said his Mom was up in the computer room.
Nice.
I never saw her, it never registered that I was there. She was asleep for all I know.
I'm furious. These boys are 9 years old, and while they don't need complete supervision, the do need SOME. Blasting music with the front door unlocked? ANYTHING could have happened, including someone walking into the house, and removing a child, without the supervising adult being aware of it....JUST LIKE I DID TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what I'll say when I run into her again....
8.22.2006
Let's get ready to grumble...
I do a lot of complaining here.
You'd think I was an unhappy woman from most of the things I write. I'm not at all.
I had a great conversation with Joey today after dinner. We talked about school, and his friends, and girls and the concept of girlfriends. We talked about how Colby is just a mean kid, and Joey's strategies for dealing with him. We talked about things at recess that are fun this year that were dorky last year. We even touched on the concept of sex education, and that the "know it all kids" this year are most likely to have it wrong, so he should ask a trusted grownup instead. I really felt tuned into him, and learned a few new things about him. I really like him as a person, after we're able to let go of the chores/parent/child thing. It takes time, and doesn't happen as often as I want it to, but it's sooo worth it.
Matthew absolutely blew. me. away. with his STAR test scores. He scored 100% in 7 out of 10 categories, and almost did 100% it across the board. I feel like he achieved a major milestone by conquering that test. I knew he knew the information, but I thought he would be bored by filling in bubbles with a #2 pencil for three days straight, and I'm so very proud of his focus.
Hope is growing and changing and growing so very fast. Tomorrow is her first day of preschool. Yes, I calmed down and realized it's "Pre-School". I'm going to give it a few weeks, and see if she is happy, then make a decision if it isn't working. She's a little anxious about spending time there without me, but I think she will do great. Hope really needs this time to explore by herself.
I'm feeling changes myself. As I work on this project with BIL (yes, it's slowly coming together), I'm gaining confidence. I know I'll be successful, because my definition has changed, and really? I already am. I have a rich rewarding life, with great kids, a terrific husband, a beautiful roof over my head, and the love and respect of those who I love and respect too. Really, what more could I need?
You'd think I was an unhappy woman from most of the things I write. I'm not at all.
I had a great conversation with Joey today after dinner. We talked about school, and his friends, and girls and the concept of girlfriends. We talked about how Colby is just a mean kid, and Joey's strategies for dealing with him. We talked about things at recess that are fun this year that were dorky last year. We even touched on the concept of sex education, and that the "know it all kids" this year are most likely to have it wrong, so he should ask a trusted grownup instead. I really felt tuned into him, and learned a few new things about him. I really like him as a person, after we're able to let go of the chores/parent/child thing. It takes time, and doesn't happen as often as I want it to, but it's sooo worth it.
Matthew absolutely blew. me. away. with his STAR test scores. He scored 100% in 7 out of 10 categories, and almost did 100% it across the board. I feel like he achieved a major milestone by conquering that test. I knew he knew the information, but I thought he would be bored by filling in bubbles with a #2 pencil for three days straight, and I'm so very proud of his focus.
Hope is growing and changing and growing so very fast. Tomorrow is her first day of preschool. Yes, I calmed down and realized it's "Pre-School". I'm going to give it a few weeks, and see if she is happy, then make a decision if it isn't working. She's a little anxious about spending time there without me, but I think she will do great. Hope really needs this time to explore by herself.
I'm feeling changes myself. As I work on this project with BIL (yes, it's slowly coming together), I'm gaining confidence. I know I'll be successful, because my definition has changed, and really? I already am. I have a rich rewarding life, with great kids, a terrific husband, a beautiful roof over my head, and the love and respect of those who I love and respect too. Really, what more could I need?
8.17.2006
the Preschool Puzzle...Maria, where art thou?
Ok, I've said this a million times now. My kids are smart.
Really.
I got the boys STAR results back today, and both of them scored 100% in more than one area, different for each boy. I've pointed out that I am a very dedicated parent when it comes to their schooling. Joey went to a local parks and rec preschool in San Mateo, where he painted and sang and learned sign language and played. He spent about 18 months there. Matthew went to the same school, but because we moved he only spent about 6 months in preschool.
Hope hasn't been at all. She would love to have about a million friends. She has our neighbor, who just started kindergarten, a friend of Joey's little sister, who is in second grade, and one of "the darling children", who I don't like, and really don't want her to spend much time with. That makes me feel like I'm failing on the parenting thing because I haven't done much to get her socialized.
She's also a "late baby". Kindergarten cutoff here is December 2nd, and she was born on the 26th. This "should" have been her kindy year, but she's not old enough. She's definitely ready though. I'm not in such a hurry to start her on school, because I want her to enjoy her childhood. However, every. damn. preschool around here is either religion based or prides itself on it's academic features.
I DON'T WANT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S PRE - SCHOOL....NOT "SCHOOL", "PRE-SCHOOL"!!
I did sign her up for the most popular preschool in town. But they messed up. She's placed in a 3 and 4 year olds class, not only 4's. Their Pre-K class only runs 5 days a week. I don't want her bored with kindy before she even gets there! I sat at orientation tonight, and was silently screaming because this program does not match up with my goals at all, and how can I just leave her to learn to be bored and hate school?
I looked, and the closest Montessori is about 20 miles away. I'd kill for a nice Montessori kindy right now....let's hope I can afford it.
Really.
I got the boys STAR results back today, and both of them scored 100% in more than one area, different for each boy. I've pointed out that I am a very dedicated parent when it comes to their schooling. Joey went to a local parks and rec preschool in San Mateo, where he painted and sang and learned sign language and played. He spent about 18 months there. Matthew went to the same school, but because we moved he only spent about 6 months in preschool.
Hope hasn't been at all. She would love to have about a million friends. She has our neighbor, who just started kindergarten, a friend of Joey's little sister, who is in second grade, and one of "the darling children", who I don't like, and really don't want her to spend much time with. That makes me feel like I'm failing on the parenting thing because I haven't done much to get her socialized.
She's also a "late baby". Kindergarten cutoff here is December 2nd, and she was born on the 26th. This "should" have been her kindy year, but she's not old enough. She's definitely ready though. I'm not in such a hurry to start her on school, because I want her to enjoy her childhood. However, every. damn. preschool around here is either religion based or prides itself on it's academic features.
I DON'T WANT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S PRE - SCHOOL....NOT "SCHOOL", "PRE-SCHOOL"!!
I did sign her up for the most popular preschool in town. But they messed up. She's placed in a 3 and 4 year olds class, not only 4's. Their Pre-K class only runs 5 days a week. I don't want her bored with kindy before she even gets there! I sat at orientation tonight, and was silently screaming because this program does not match up with my goals at all, and how can I just leave her to learn to be bored and hate school?
I looked, and the closest Montessori is about 20 miles away. I'd kill for a nice Montessori kindy right now....let's hope I can afford it.
8.15.2006
Things that are older than Kay...
My Mom's cousin is Kay. She turns 68 tomorrow. We're not gonna let that pass without a bit of a celebration.
Kay has led an interesting life. Raised by a woman who was married 8 times, Kay herself ran away and got married at 14. By 17 she had three children of her own. Her marriage was not the best, but she stuck it out, until about 10 years ago. It's been like watching a butterfly emerge from a coccon. She's as silly and fun as at 24 year old in a 67 year old body. She came with us to Puerto Vallarta last year - her first time out of the United States. She oooooooo'd and ahhhhh'd and just thoroughly enjoyed every second of that trip.
So, today, at dinner, our family played "Things that are older than Kay", with hilarious results...they include:
The Alphabet is older than Kay ( according to Hope)
Automobiles (according to Joey)
Cockroaches are older than Kay (according to Matthew)
I typed up about 25 of them, put them in a mason jar and put a ribbon on it. Kay should be laughing herself silly this time tomorrow....
Kay has led an interesting life. Raised by a woman who was married 8 times, Kay herself ran away and got married at 14. By 17 she had three children of her own. Her marriage was not the best, but she stuck it out, until about 10 years ago. It's been like watching a butterfly emerge from a coccon. She's as silly and fun as at 24 year old in a 67 year old body. She came with us to Puerto Vallarta last year - her first time out of the United States. She oooooooo'd and ahhhhh'd and just thoroughly enjoyed every second of that trip.
So, today, at dinner, our family played "Things that are older than Kay", with hilarious results...they include:
The Alphabet is older than Kay ( according to Hope)
Automobiles (according to Joey)
Cockroaches are older than Kay (according to Matthew)
I typed up about 25 of them, put them in a mason jar and put a ribbon on it. Kay should be laughing herself silly this time tomorrow....
8.14.2006
The "Darling" Children
Well, I survived the "Darling Children".
Joey got a last minute invite to a sleepover, which I happily sent him off to. So, while I had 5 kids from 9a-1p on Saturday, after 1pm, I only had 4. Even numbers do help.
Girl Darling was a tattling, fibbing mess for the first few hours, then quickly learned that I am the one in charge around here. Boy Darling tried to play on the playstation for most of the weekend, and found out about my 2 hour a day limit on weekends. (Which is actually doubled from the normal 1 hour when we don't have any guests). Overall, it was pretty uneventful. On Sunday morning, I was soooooo ready for them to leave. Girl Darling (who is 18 months older than my daughter) wanted to wear Hope's clothes and shoes, except they DON'T FIT HER!. I had to ask her to please leave my daughters things alone about every 60 minutes or so. Then I heard Girl Darling and Boy Darling tell my son that their parents probably wouldn't be here until at least 1pm. AAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
At 10:30am, I went to pick up Joey from his sleepover. I stayed for a bit and talked to Chris, and when we got home at 11:15, Dad Darling was actually here! Hooray! Of course, he wanted to hang out with DH for awhile and watch some sports. I "reminded" DH that we had some afternoon plans, and got them outta here as soon as I could. Of course, our plans were to sit on the couch and do nothing, but they were OUR plans, capish?
Joey got a last minute invite to a sleepover, which I happily sent him off to. So, while I had 5 kids from 9a-1p on Saturday, after 1pm, I only had 4. Even numbers do help.
Girl Darling was a tattling, fibbing mess for the first few hours, then quickly learned that I am the one in charge around here. Boy Darling tried to play on the playstation for most of the weekend, and found out about my 2 hour a day limit on weekends. (Which is actually doubled from the normal 1 hour when we don't have any guests). Overall, it was pretty uneventful. On Sunday morning, I was soooooo ready for them to leave. Girl Darling (who is 18 months older than my daughter) wanted to wear Hope's clothes and shoes, except they DON'T FIT HER!. I had to ask her to please leave my daughters things alone about every 60 minutes or so. Then I heard Girl Darling and Boy Darling tell my son that their parents probably wouldn't be here until at least 1pm. AAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
At 10:30am, I went to pick up Joey from his sleepover. I stayed for a bit and talked to Chris, and when we got home at 11:15, Dad Darling was actually here! Hooray! Of course, he wanted to hang out with DH for awhile and watch some sports. I "reminded" DH that we had some afternoon plans, and got them outta here as soon as I could. Of course, our plans were to sit on the couch and do nothing, but they were OUR plans, capish?
8.10.2006
The Good Wife/Did you just invite yourself?
It's wrong, but I don't like my niece.
My sister called me and invited her daughter to come and stay with me for a few days. I said OK, thinking my kids would enjoy her company, but she's already being a PITA and she's not even here yet.
Her flight doesn't get in until 10:30pm on a Friday night. That means we won't be here, at home until at least midnight. Which means that I get to wait up for her to get here. Then settle her in, and then deal with my own kids, who rise at 7am at the latest. I'm tired just thinking about it.
She's a "buy me stuff" kinda girl, and I'm not a "buy you stuff" kinda Aunt. She's a manipulative little shit, and she hasn't spent enough time around me to know that I wrote the book on manipulation and can smell it a mile away. It just doesn't work with me - ask my own kids.
Add the stress over DH's work, and we've got the stage set for drama.
I'm trying to be supportive of DH thru all of this. It's hard, but I want to help him. He's stressed and angry and frustrated, and he doesn't want to be any of those things. He's still holding on, even though he should be running away from this place as fast as he can. Still, I'm here for him, for whatever he thinks is best. I want him to know that while I might do things differently, I'm confident that he is doing what is right for him. I can't tell him not to worry, that would be ridiculous, but I can try not to complain about my world, and to make things run smoothly around here.
Of course, things would run smoothly if I wasn't worrying about cashflow. He says we're fine and to just be a bit careful, but I'm obsessed with every penny that goes out of here. I need to stay calm though, because it's my turn to be the anchor in this relationship.
To top it all off, I apparently "volunteered" to watch a friends kids for 24 hours over the weekend. I don't remember doing that, but I wasn't quick witted enough to bail when I had a tiny chance.
I SO want all this to be over....
My sister called me and invited her daughter to come and stay with me for a few days. I said OK, thinking my kids would enjoy her company, but she's already being a PITA and she's not even here yet.
Her flight doesn't get in until 10:30pm on a Friday night. That means we won't be here, at home until at least midnight. Which means that I get to wait up for her to get here. Then settle her in, and then deal with my own kids, who rise at 7am at the latest. I'm tired just thinking about it.
She's a "buy me stuff" kinda girl, and I'm not a "buy you stuff" kinda Aunt. She's a manipulative little shit, and she hasn't spent enough time around me to know that I wrote the book on manipulation and can smell it a mile away. It just doesn't work with me - ask my own kids.
Add the stress over DH's work, and we've got the stage set for drama.
I'm trying to be supportive of DH thru all of this. It's hard, but I want to help him. He's stressed and angry and frustrated, and he doesn't want to be any of those things. He's still holding on, even though he should be running away from this place as fast as he can. Still, I'm here for him, for whatever he thinks is best. I want him to know that while I might do things differently, I'm confident that he is doing what is right for him. I can't tell him not to worry, that would be ridiculous, but I can try not to complain about my world, and to make things run smoothly around here.
Of course, things would run smoothly if I wasn't worrying about cashflow. He says we're fine and to just be a bit careful, but I'm obsessed with every penny that goes out of here. I need to stay calm though, because it's my turn to be the anchor in this relationship.
To top it all off, I apparently "volunteered" to watch a friends kids for 24 hours over the weekend. I don't remember doing that, but I wasn't quick witted enough to bail when I had a tiny chance.
I SO want all this to be over....
8.07.2006
Groundhog Day
My kids had their first day of school today. For the second time this year.
They attend Year Round School, and started their new track assingment today. It was Yellow's first day of school, so it's like we are reliving the past month, minus the bad teacher. Fun to see new and old friends, and rather a strange feeling of deja vu.
I followed up with a formal complaint on the teacher that caused the move...here's most of my letter to her:
I wanted to take this opportunity to speak to you on behalf of myself and my son. I have a number of complaints that in all fairness, you should be informed of and allowed to respond to. Whether you choose to do so or not is your own decision. I’ve asked.(several people)..to be present in order to make clear that this is not a personal attack.
Here are my concerns:
*Your abrupt manner with myself and other parents.
I am fully aware that some find it difficult in new situations. Individual personality traits aside, a number of parents commented to me about what they considered rudeness from you on the first day. Parents want to meet and forge a relationship with the person they’ve entrusted their child to for 6+ hours a day. Your unwillingness to even let them visit the classroom set a very negative tone. I barged right in, and while you came across as reserved, I didn’t personally experience their same complaint. However, a negative start has influenced those very same parents, who you will be dealing with all year.
*The absence in the classroom of learning materials.
I visited your classroom on the first day of school, and again the following Monday. There was nothing posted on the walls – I find this absolutely amazing in a 3rd grade classroom. I know that there are budget allotments to be used at a teachers own discretion, and I know that it is agreed in this district and in virtually every existing teaching method that children need visual stimulation. What is the reasoning behind no calendars, alphabets, times tables, no visual learning tools whatsoever?
Textbooks were not checked out of the library in a timely manner. The Houghton-Mifflin texts are familiar to you, and were made available the first week of school. You were the very last to retrieve them. Why did it take so long to get books in the classroom?
Why were the kids given a 1st grade assignment for homework? I understand that the first week of school is a great deal of review, but it wasn’t Language Arts or Math, it was “How to grow a seed”, which I’ve seen used for Science. What made you choose that particular piece and not something more age appropriate?
The request for sharp scissors? You were aware that you would be coming here before the new school year started. All teachers are given a budget. You had ample opportunity to make sure you had basic supplies. I certainly don’t mind providing, yet your request was a first for me. It sent a message that you were unprepared for the school year.
*The lack of lesson plans
Once again, the H-M texts virtually set their own lesson plans. I know you are required to turn in lesson plans on a regular basis. I find it highly unusual that you would not have them done well in advance of class time, and make sure that they are available in case of any emergencies. The fact that there was nothing in place after the first week is greatly upsetting. The mad scramble for substitute teachers left my son and his class making paper airplanes for most of the week. I believe you bear the brunt of responsibility for that. Once again, you showed your lack of readiness for the school year.
*Not reporting your absence promptly.
While emergencies happen, your job has always demanded that the children be given priority. Unless you were physically unable to get to a phone or have someone else do it for you, there is simply no excuse for not reporting in in a timely fashion. You left eighteen 7 and 8 year olds out on the playground, and from my understanding, did it more than once. You shouldn’t be surprised to learn that I don’t trust you to take care of them when you are there, as you clearly don’t make plans when you are not.
As far as I’m concerned, this is a not a “few things here and there”, it is a mountain of evidence that you are not committed to the school year, not committed to teaching, and especially, not committed to the children. It’s likely you never were.
I believe that school is a partnership, and it requires the ongoing commitment of the Administration, Teachers, Students and Parents in order to provide an excellent education. I hold the teaching profession in the highest respect, and personally do all I can to support the entire school. My job is to be the best advocate for my child. Your actions, or lack thereof, have shown me that you are not up to the challenge.
I do not know, or fully understand the nature of your individual circumstances. It’s none of my business, and frankly, I’m not looking for excuses. I want a quality educational experience, and am willing to work hard to make that happen.
I don’t believe it whining until I get what I want, and then abandoning a problem. Your actions affect an entire community, and while I will continue to complain until your actions or circumstances change, it certainly won’t be behind your back. If I can assist you in making those necessary changes, please let me know. It’s the right thing to do for the kids, for our school and for our community.
Yes, I'm a bit of a windbag, especially when I feel strongly about something. I don't quite believe that my words will have any beneficial effect, unless she resigns. It is nice not to have to worry about her, but I feel a bit of guilt for the other children who are left behind. Either their parents didn't know or didn't care about what is happening.
They attend Year Round School, and started their new track assingment today. It was Yellow's first day of school, so it's like we are reliving the past month, minus the bad teacher. Fun to see new and old friends, and rather a strange feeling of deja vu.
I followed up with a formal complaint on the teacher that caused the move...here's most of my letter to her:
I wanted to take this opportunity to speak to you on behalf of myself and my son. I have a number of complaints that in all fairness, you should be informed of and allowed to respond to. Whether you choose to do so or not is your own decision. I’ve asked.(several people)..to be present in order to make clear that this is not a personal attack.
Here are my concerns:
*Your abrupt manner with myself and other parents.
I am fully aware that some find it difficult in new situations. Individual personality traits aside, a number of parents commented to me about what they considered rudeness from you on the first day. Parents want to meet and forge a relationship with the person they’ve entrusted their child to for 6+ hours a day. Your unwillingness to even let them visit the classroom set a very negative tone. I barged right in, and while you came across as reserved, I didn’t personally experience their same complaint. However, a negative start has influenced those very same parents, who you will be dealing with all year.
*The absence in the classroom of learning materials.
I visited your classroom on the first day of school, and again the following Monday. There was nothing posted on the walls – I find this absolutely amazing in a 3rd grade classroom. I know that there are budget allotments to be used at a teachers own discretion, and I know that it is agreed in this district and in virtually every existing teaching method that children need visual stimulation. What is the reasoning behind no calendars, alphabets, times tables, no visual learning tools whatsoever?
Textbooks were not checked out of the library in a timely manner. The Houghton-Mifflin texts are familiar to you, and were made available the first week of school. You were the very last to retrieve them. Why did it take so long to get books in the classroom?
Why were the kids given a 1st grade assignment for homework? I understand that the first week of school is a great deal of review, but it wasn’t Language Arts or Math, it was “How to grow a seed”, which I’ve seen used for Science. What made you choose that particular piece and not something more age appropriate?
The request for sharp scissors? You were aware that you would be coming here before the new school year started. All teachers are given a budget. You had ample opportunity to make sure you had basic supplies. I certainly don’t mind providing, yet your request was a first for me. It sent a message that you were unprepared for the school year.
*The lack of lesson plans
Once again, the H-M texts virtually set their own lesson plans. I know you are required to turn in lesson plans on a regular basis. I find it highly unusual that you would not have them done well in advance of class time, and make sure that they are available in case of any emergencies. The fact that there was nothing in place after the first week is greatly upsetting. The mad scramble for substitute teachers left my son and his class making paper airplanes for most of the week. I believe you bear the brunt of responsibility for that. Once again, you showed your lack of readiness for the school year.
*Not reporting your absence promptly.
While emergencies happen, your job has always demanded that the children be given priority. Unless you were physically unable to get to a phone or have someone else do it for you, there is simply no excuse for not reporting in in a timely fashion. You left eighteen 7 and 8 year olds out on the playground, and from my understanding, did it more than once. You shouldn’t be surprised to learn that I don’t trust you to take care of them when you are there, as you clearly don’t make plans when you are not.
As far as I’m concerned, this is a not a “few things here and there”, it is a mountain of evidence that you are not committed to the school year, not committed to teaching, and especially, not committed to the children. It’s likely you never were.
I believe that school is a partnership, and it requires the ongoing commitment of the Administration, Teachers, Students and Parents in order to provide an excellent education. I hold the teaching profession in the highest respect, and personally do all I can to support the entire school. My job is to be the best advocate for my child. Your actions, or lack thereof, have shown me that you are not up to the challenge.
I do not know, or fully understand the nature of your individual circumstances. It’s none of my business, and frankly, I’m not looking for excuses. I want a quality educational experience, and am willing to work hard to make that happen.
I don’t believe it whining until I get what I want, and then abandoning a problem. Your actions affect an entire community, and while I will continue to complain until your actions or circumstances change, it certainly won’t be behind your back. If I can assist you in making those necessary changes, please let me know. It’s the right thing to do for the kids, for our school and for our community.
Yes, I'm a bit of a windbag, especially when I feel strongly about something. I don't quite believe that my words will have any beneficial effect, unless she resigns. It is nice not to have to worry about her, but I feel a bit of guilt for the other children who are left behind. Either their parents didn't know or didn't care about what is happening.
8.05.2006
Desperation, and other moods....
DH has worked at his job for 13 years. He's always underestimated himself and his worth at any job. Even so, he's good at anything he applies himself to, and has a great way with people. He has his own standards that aren't written in any job description, and has a great sense of personal integrity. One of the many reasons to love him.
His job sucks. It also sucks the life out of him. He'd do anything to make it better, but it's totally out of his control He feels like he can't find anything better, and considers himself unskilled. He's dead wrong, but that's what he believes.
I remember when he used to work full time with his Mom at a bar they co-owned. He'd regularly work his ass off, only to be kicked in it by her alcoholism. For a very long time, he believed that this was as good as it was ever gonna get. Then he got pissed off at her one day and landed a new job. In an afternoon. Selling cars.
He was 21 years old, and it took him three weeks to sell his first car. He never looked back, and in 7 more days, beat his quota and made salesman of the month. At last, something he was very very good at, all by himself. Too bad the dealership management didn't have any scruples. The second time they cheated him out of his commission, he walked out. Good for him.
He applied to work at the Sherrif's office. Made it all the way thru the final eval. The psychiatric board found him "very sound of mind", but didn't make a recommendation to hire because they were worried about how he would fit it in among the ethnic diversity of the department. That totally sucked, but it was too expensive and frustrating to mount a discrimination case...he needed a job.
So he went to work at the newspaper. Great benefits, regular work. He quickly became too smart for them, but he liked the sense of unity, and the benefits. Medical for the whole family, retirement, 401K, dental, vision...the works. He's addicted to the benefits now. I keep explaining that we could privatize our insurance for about the same cost now, and he could be free...but he really wants to think things will get better. I think it's his outlet for reliving his experiences with his Mom, just to get all Freudian on y'all.
They treat him like shit there, and would fire him in an instant if they could get away with it. I've wanted him out for years now. Looks like I might get my wish. He's terrified, and so am I. It can only get better, but it means a lot of change for us. I'm waiting for BIL to come thru for me, so that DH can take his time to find something new.
Please, make it fast, BIL.
His job sucks. It also sucks the life out of him. He'd do anything to make it better, but it's totally out of his control He feels like he can't find anything better, and considers himself unskilled. He's dead wrong, but that's what he believes.
I remember when he used to work full time with his Mom at a bar they co-owned. He'd regularly work his ass off, only to be kicked in it by her alcoholism. For a very long time, he believed that this was as good as it was ever gonna get. Then he got pissed off at her one day and landed a new job. In an afternoon. Selling cars.
He was 21 years old, and it took him three weeks to sell his first car. He never looked back, and in 7 more days, beat his quota and made salesman of the month. At last, something he was very very good at, all by himself. Too bad the dealership management didn't have any scruples. The second time they cheated him out of his commission, he walked out. Good for him.
He applied to work at the Sherrif's office. Made it all the way thru the final eval. The psychiatric board found him "very sound of mind", but didn't make a recommendation to hire because they were worried about how he would fit it in among the ethnic diversity of the department. That totally sucked, but it was too expensive and frustrating to mount a discrimination case...he needed a job.
So he went to work at the newspaper. Great benefits, regular work. He quickly became too smart for them, but he liked the sense of unity, and the benefits. Medical for the whole family, retirement, 401K, dental, vision...the works. He's addicted to the benefits now. I keep explaining that we could privatize our insurance for about the same cost now, and he could be free...but he really wants to think things will get better. I think it's his outlet for reliving his experiences with his Mom, just to get all Freudian on y'all.
They treat him like shit there, and would fire him in an instant if they could get away with it. I've wanted him out for years now. Looks like I might get my wish. He's terrified, and so am I. It can only get better, but it means a lot of change for us. I'm waiting for BIL to come thru for me, so that DH can take his time to find something new.
Please, make it fast, BIL.
8.04.2006
The things we do for love...
DH is wonderful. He is a great person in spite of his childhood and parenting, certainly not because of it.
Today was his mother's birthday. I'd tell you which one, but she doesn't even have it straight. Let's just say around 60th, but as my son said "She looks A LOT older than that!". (Shhh...don't tell her, ok?)
So the kids didn't have school today, and I agreed that we should take them to visit her. Nevermind that this will be Hopes 4th encounter in her entire life with her "Mere'-mere'". I have no clue why she likes it spelled that way, I always thought it was "Ma-Mere'", but I'm not French, am I?
Last week, she called and asked me to buy her a new computer. She has never owned or operated one in her life, but she wanted my advice on it. She probably wants to use ESPN.com in order to call her bookie and bet on football, but I wouldn't dare say that to her face. Anyways, I ordered her a nice machine, and it showed up on Monday. She also asked for towels from Costco, so I got those too.
We drove DH's truck to his work, then all got in the minivan for the final leg over. I haven't been there since she first got sick. I forgot how damned dark she keeps everything, and how much she smokes. Why did I forget that? Matthew's asthma is very mild, but we keep him AWAY from triggers like smoke. It took about 20 minutes in her place for him to start coughing. I started before he did, and I don't have asthma.
So I took the kids to the playground at her apartment building. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, about 78, sunny with a light breeze. Perfect for sitting under a tree and watching my kids on a tire swing thru half open eyes. They had a ball.
Apparently, DH didn't. See, he stayed with his Mom in that nasty little smokebox. I came back and set up her computer, showed her how to play Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. That's a decent first lesson, don't ya' think? I also logged her into her email, and showed her how to turn the thing ON and OFF. She's good for a week, and has my number. I don't know what was said between them, but DH was a bit of a grouch after that.
I was happy to drop him off at work and skip dinner entirely with him. The kids and I ate Chinese. Then we started the long trek home. 2 hours in a car with three children and no adult help can be tricky. Especially when you have the MIL of all headaches (probably all that smoke). But I made it, and got the kids to bed.
I think going to his Mom's makes DH digress a bit back to his childhood, which is not AT ALL who he is today. I can say I won't hurry to get back there, and neither will my kids.
Today was his mother's birthday. I'd tell you which one, but she doesn't even have it straight. Let's just say around 60th, but as my son said "She looks A LOT older than that!". (Shhh...don't tell her, ok?)
So the kids didn't have school today, and I agreed that we should take them to visit her. Nevermind that this will be Hopes 4th encounter in her entire life with her "Mere'-mere'". I have no clue why she likes it spelled that way, I always thought it was "Ma-Mere'", but I'm not French, am I?
Last week, she called and asked me to buy her a new computer. She has never owned or operated one in her life, but she wanted my advice on it. She probably wants to use ESPN.com in order to call her bookie and bet on football, but I wouldn't dare say that to her face. Anyways, I ordered her a nice machine, and it showed up on Monday. She also asked for towels from Costco, so I got those too.
We drove DH's truck to his work, then all got in the minivan for the final leg over. I haven't been there since she first got sick. I forgot how damned dark she keeps everything, and how much she smokes. Why did I forget that? Matthew's asthma is very mild, but we keep him AWAY from triggers like smoke. It took about 20 minutes in her place for him to start coughing. I started before he did, and I don't have asthma.
So I took the kids to the playground at her apartment building. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, about 78, sunny with a light breeze. Perfect for sitting under a tree and watching my kids on a tire swing thru half open eyes. They had a ball.
Apparently, DH didn't. See, he stayed with his Mom in that nasty little smokebox. I came back and set up her computer, showed her how to play Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. That's a decent first lesson, don't ya' think? I also logged her into her email, and showed her how to turn the thing ON and OFF. She's good for a week, and has my number. I don't know what was said between them, but DH was a bit of a grouch after that.
I was happy to drop him off at work and skip dinner entirely with him. The kids and I ate Chinese. Then we started the long trek home. 2 hours in a car with three children and no adult help can be tricky. Especially when you have the MIL of all headaches (probably all that smoke). But I made it, and got the kids to bed.
I think going to his Mom's makes DH digress a bit back to his childhood, which is not AT ALL who he is today. I can say I won't hurry to get back there, and neither will my kids.
8.03.2006
School Daze
It's been ugly....
If you're just stumbling across this blog by chance, let me tell you. I love teachers. I respect their level of education, and the amazing things they can do with my children. Even so, there are a very few bad apples out there that can really ruin the experience.
Meet Ms. M. Oh, wait, you can't....because she's only worked for 5 days so far this year. Not to mention the 5 month "disability vacation" she took last year. See, she has tenure, which means that the dumbass school district is more afraid of a lawsuit from her than they are from me. They dumped her at our school because the teachers and administration at her last assignment had had enough.
The first time I met her, I didn't like her. I just hoped my son liked her. Turns out the whole experience was a colossal waste of time. She's claiming some sort of medical issues, but really? I don't give a rats ass. The 6th day of school, she didn't bother to call, she just stopped showing up. Left 18 kids standing outside a classroom without telling anyone she couldn't make it. Five days in a row, before she faxed in a doctors note about being on disability for the next 6 weeks.
It's third grade. There were no times tables on the bulletin board. No maps, no calendars, no weather charts, no Presidents...NOTHING. I've never seen a classroom so white. Turns out there were no lesson plans either. Who starts a school year without lesson plans? NOT a tenured teacher!! My son used his time wisely for the first 10 days of school and made paper airplanes and drew pictures of SpongeBob being tortured by aliens. He is 8 years old.
I complained, but the Vice Principal is a very PC woman. She advised me to wait for the Principal to return in a few days. So I waited. Turns out the Principal (great guy, really understands that parents, teachers and children ALL should have a voice) agreed with me. Of course, he's got to crunch numbers and what have you, but he was wiling to discuss a transfer to another class. He can't fire her until he has followed due process. He told me it takes him an average of 461 days to do that.
As an interesting sidenote, my kids go to year round school. Basically, they go for three months and are off for one month. For example "Yellow" track has July, November and March as vacation months. "Blue" track has August, December and April, Green has September, January and May, and Red has October, February and June off. We were on Green track. We have one teacher assigned to each grade on each track. If you need to change teachers, you have to change tracks. It's used to alleviate overcrowding, so most classes are full, most of the time.
Still, it should be simple enough, right? Not a chance. Problem is, I have more than one child. The 8 year old has a 9 year old brother at school. Having a terrific start with his teacher, settling in very well, handling growing responsibilities on his own....I couldn't ask for anything more. There are tracks with a 3rd grade position open, and tracks with a 4th grade position open, but they are not the same tracks. So I have to either sacrifice my 3rd grader to a terrible teacher for an entire year, or sacrifice my family life, with kids on two different schedules. Everybody wins....NOT!
I want this teacher out of here. I don't trust her to show up at work, how can I trust her with my kid? I don't trust her with anyone's child, and I really feel for those parents who haven't met her, haven't been in the classroom, haven't seen how much the other teachers at school dislike her. I feel a moral obligation to stand up not just for my own, but for all these kids. It's not OK, I'm not going to get over it, and I can't afford to wait and see if she gets better. I'd really like to confront her, but SHE'S NOT HERE!!!
I checked into filing a complaint with the district over her actions, but was completely discouraged. I pulled a form off the website on Complaint Procedures. While it mentions the rights and responsibilities of the district employee, it does not even once mention the welfare of the child. It speaks about "trusting our teachers", but apparently we don't give a shit if they've already proven to be untrustworthy.
I'm filing a complaint anyways. The Principal needs it, along with the other disciplinary actions he filed in order to eventually get rid of her. He's told me he is not going to look the other way when made aware of a bad teacher. If he can't use paperwork to remove them, he plans on making their lives unpleasant enough to reconsider a teaching position at his school. He took the time to listen to me over the past week, and finally begged a spot so that my children could both be moved.
My 3rd grader didn't just get a better teacher, he got Mrs. C, who was the Teacher of the Year for the county we live in just last year. She got an honorable mention at the State Level too. I've sat with her on a community board for the last 19 months and I really like her. Her class is so popular, it is always full, and impossible to get into. My 4th grader told me late last year that he'd like to be in Mrs. F's class someday. I told him that would be impossible as she didn't teach on his track. He is her newest student, and just as thrilled to have him as he is to have her.
While I'm very relieved, I feel like I've been thru 15 rounds with the titleholder. This one woman's amazingly selfish actions have been like a tsunami in my life for the past three weeks. I'm so very glad it's over, a bit resentful of the forced change, yet it went much better than I thought. I fretted and worried about the kids, as they were wary of leaving their friends. We had a terrific school year last year, and I hoped for more of the same. This was our first experience with a truly bad teacher, and I hope I don't have to go thru it again.
Oh, did I mention that as part of the complaint process, I'll be meeting with her face to face? This should be quite interesting. I'm going to see how many other parents I can get involved.
If you're just stumbling across this blog by chance, let me tell you. I love teachers. I respect their level of education, and the amazing things they can do with my children. Even so, there are a very few bad apples out there that can really ruin the experience.
Meet Ms. M. Oh, wait, you can't....because she's only worked for 5 days so far this year. Not to mention the 5 month "disability vacation" she took last year. See, she has tenure, which means that the dumbass school district is more afraid of a lawsuit from her than they are from me. They dumped her at our school because the teachers and administration at her last assignment had had enough.
The first time I met her, I didn't like her. I just hoped my son liked her. Turns out the whole experience was a colossal waste of time. She's claiming some sort of medical issues, but really? I don't give a rats ass. The 6th day of school, she didn't bother to call, she just stopped showing up. Left 18 kids standing outside a classroom without telling anyone she couldn't make it. Five days in a row, before she faxed in a doctors note about being on disability for the next 6 weeks.
It's third grade. There were no times tables on the bulletin board. No maps, no calendars, no weather charts, no Presidents...NOTHING. I've never seen a classroom so white. Turns out there were no lesson plans either. Who starts a school year without lesson plans? NOT a tenured teacher!! My son used his time wisely for the first 10 days of school and made paper airplanes and drew pictures of SpongeBob being tortured by aliens. He is 8 years old.
I complained, but the Vice Principal is a very PC woman. She advised me to wait for the Principal to return in a few days. So I waited. Turns out the Principal (great guy, really understands that parents, teachers and children ALL should have a voice) agreed with me. Of course, he's got to crunch numbers and what have you, but he was wiling to discuss a transfer to another class. He can't fire her until he has followed due process. He told me it takes him an average of 461 days to do that.
As an interesting sidenote, my kids go to year round school. Basically, they go for three months and are off for one month. For example "Yellow" track has July, November and March as vacation months. "Blue" track has August, December and April, Green has September, January and May, and Red has October, February and June off. We were on Green track. We have one teacher assigned to each grade on each track. If you need to change teachers, you have to change tracks. It's used to alleviate overcrowding, so most classes are full, most of the time.
Still, it should be simple enough, right? Not a chance. Problem is, I have more than one child. The 8 year old has a 9 year old brother at school. Having a terrific start with his teacher, settling in very well, handling growing responsibilities on his own....I couldn't ask for anything more. There are tracks with a 3rd grade position open, and tracks with a 4th grade position open, but they are not the same tracks. So I have to either sacrifice my 3rd grader to a terrible teacher for an entire year, or sacrifice my family life, with kids on two different schedules. Everybody wins....NOT!
I want this teacher out of here. I don't trust her to show up at work, how can I trust her with my kid? I don't trust her with anyone's child, and I really feel for those parents who haven't met her, haven't been in the classroom, haven't seen how much the other teachers at school dislike her. I feel a moral obligation to stand up not just for my own, but for all these kids. It's not OK, I'm not going to get over it, and I can't afford to wait and see if she gets better. I'd really like to confront her, but SHE'S NOT HERE!!!
I checked into filing a complaint with the district over her actions, but was completely discouraged. I pulled a form off the website on Complaint Procedures. While it mentions the rights and responsibilities of the district employee, it does not even once mention the welfare of the child. It speaks about "trusting our teachers", but apparently we don't give a shit if they've already proven to be untrustworthy.
I'm filing a complaint anyways. The Principal needs it, along with the other disciplinary actions he filed in order to eventually get rid of her. He's told me he is not going to look the other way when made aware of a bad teacher. If he can't use paperwork to remove them, he plans on making their lives unpleasant enough to reconsider a teaching position at his school. He took the time to listen to me over the past week, and finally begged a spot so that my children could both be moved.
My 3rd grader didn't just get a better teacher, he got Mrs. C, who was the Teacher of the Year for the county we live in just last year. She got an honorable mention at the State Level too. I've sat with her on a community board for the last 19 months and I really like her. Her class is so popular, it is always full, and impossible to get into. My 4th grader told me late last year that he'd like to be in Mrs. F's class someday. I told him that would be impossible as she didn't teach on his track. He is her newest student, and just as thrilled to have him as he is to have her.
While I'm very relieved, I feel like I've been thru 15 rounds with the titleholder. This one woman's amazingly selfish actions have been like a tsunami in my life for the past three weeks. I'm so very glad it's over, a bit resentful of the forced change, yet it went much better than I thought. I fretted and worried about the kids, as they were wary of leaving their friends. We had a terrific school year last year, and I hoped for more of the same. This was our first experience with a truly bad teacher, and I hope I don't have to go thru it again.
Oh, did I mention that as part of the complaint process, I'll be meeting with her face to face? This should be quite interesting. I'm going to see how many other parents I can get involved.
7.02.2006
Spendy Wendy
Yup, that's me!
Since I last posted, I've splurged on some major purchases...
A new computer.
Because the old one managed to pick up a nasty virus AND blow up the mouse on the same day. Took me 24 hours to figure out that the mouse was blown as well, I had it figured that the virus would alter the driver somehow. Anyways, I made sure that I got a good deal, and didn't splurge on extras, just a machine that will last another 5 years.
DH's birthday.
He turned 40 this year. About 10 days before his birthday, the conversation went like this...
ME: Honey, your birthday is coming up, and I need a few hints on what you'd like...
DH: I dunno...
ME: Well, it is your 40th, and if you'd like anything special, I'll need more than a few days to organize things.
DH: Knowing you, you've had something planned for months....
ME: (SILENT SCREAM - I've got NOTHING! And apparently, he wants a big deal)
Of course, the memory of his 30th finally returns, he DID want a big deal then as well, so I planned a poker party with his buddies....cigars, beer, heartburn food, and they stayed up all night and had a blast. I'm gonna have to come up with something...
We live too far from his poker buddies to hold it here, and we have three children now, so that makes it totally impractical as well as being a "repeat". So, I thought about it, and realized that his secret wish is really to go to New Jersey, to see his sisters shore house. Of course, we didn't go to New Jersey in May because we need to stop spending so much money. I managed to convince myself that if we didn't take the kids, we would SAVE $1500 (HA!!!).
So I called SIL and we worked out a little surprise. I managed to handle child care, and buy the tickets, she got all the family together for a Saturday house party. I kept it a complete secret from him and HATED IT! DH and I always share big plans, and to not be able to talk about it with him was very stressful for me. I actually counted my Xanax, and determined that even if I had to take one every day before we left, I'd still have some left over (I did take one, the night I booked the tickets, but that's all). I told him I'd do all his packing, that we would go away on Friday after his birthday, and that all he had to do was be ready at 9:30am. I talked to his work, and made sure they were OK with it.
On Friday, he was ready at the appointed time. I put two carry-on bags in the back of the truck and we dropped Hope off at daycare. He "let" me drive the truck even! Apparently he thought we were headed to Tahoe or Reno, because when we passed the Tahoe turnoff, he smiled a smug little smile, and then when we passed the Reno turnoff, he looked genuinely confused. When I pulled into the airport, he couldn't stop asking questions. When I took him to JetBlue and told him where we were going, he was speechless, and then thrilled!!!!
I was so relieved, because I had worried that he might be mad. That maybe the gift was too big, or too expensive, or he shouldn't take time from his work or his Mom. No, he was just fine with it, grinning from ear to ear! We had a decent flight to JFK, then a long car ride to Jersey. It may come as a surprise to some people, but the Van Wyck is STILL under construction! (Ok, bad joke).
We went to SIL and BIL's house and had pasta and wine, and talked until about 1am. The next day, SIL and I left early to go to the shorehouse, while the guys waited for the babysitter. They stopped at Midway and had sausage and peppers, while we decorated the house. DH didn't know that there were 15 other family members waiting for him there. He was surprised when he walked in. Even though it rained all day and night, we had such a great time, laughing and just hanging out.
Our flight on Monday was totally whacked. I booked it thru America West and will never make that mistake again. The flight was late, we missed our connection, and ended up in Las Vegas at 2am (it was 98 degrees) with a voucher for the Airport HoJo's. What a pit! When we finally got to our room, the key worked, but a roach was running OUT of the room. I wish I could say it was the only insect I came across that night, but it wasn't even the only variety of bug. We took an 8am flight out of Vegas and after stopping for lunch, got home at around Noon, completely exhausted. I ended up napping on the couch most of the afternoon, with kids bouncing on me. I didn't even care....
The boys birthday party
Yep, I booked the bouncy waterslide, to the tune of $200 and invited 40 to the party. Looks like it will be closer to 20, but I actually considered being a "Costco Creep" and buying a waterslide there, knowing I would return it after the party. Ok, so I won't really, but I want too...it would save me $200.
I'm dreading paying bills this month, I haven't even looked at them. I will do it on Monday, I promise, but for now, I'm pretending that this isn't real money I'm spending.
Since I last posted, I've splurged on some major purchases...
A new computer.
Because the old one managed to pick up a nasty virus AND blow up the mouse on the same day. Took me 24 hours to figure out that the mouse was blown as well, I had it figured that the virus would alter the driver somehow. Anyways, I made sure that I got a good deal, and didn't splurge on extras, just a machine that will last another 5 years.
DH's birthday.
He turned 40 this year. About 10 days before his birthday, the conversation went like this...
ME: Honey, your birthday is coming up, and I need a few hints on what you'd like...
DH: I dunno...
ME: Well, it is your 40th, and if you'd like anything special, I'll need more than a few days to organize things.
DH: Knowing you, you've had something planned for months....
ME: (SILENT SCREAM - I've got NOTHING! And apparently, he wants a big deal)
Of course, the memory of his 30th finally returns, he DID want a big deal then as well, so I planned a poker party with his buddies....cigars, beer, heartburn food, and they stayed up all night and had a blast. I'm gonna have to come up with something...
We live too far from his poker buddies to hold it here, and we have three children now, so that makes it totally impractical as well as being a "repeat". So, I thought about it, and realized that his secret wish is really to go to New Jersey, to see his sisters shore house. Of course, we didn't go to New Jersey in May because we need to stop spending so much money. I managed to convince myself that if we didn't take the kids, we would SAVE $1500 (HA!!!).
So I called SIL and we worked out a little surprise. I managed to handle child care, and buy the tickets, she got all the family together for a Saturday house party. I kept it a complete secret from him and HATED IT! DH and I always share big plans, and to not be able to talk about it with him was very stressful for me. I actually counted my Xanax, and determined that even if I had to take one every day before we left, I'd still have some left over (I did take one, the night I booked the tickets, but that's all). I told him I'd do all his packing, that we would go away on Friday after his birthday, and that all he had to do was be ready at 9:30am. I talked to his work, and made sure they were OK with it.
On Friday, he was ready at the appointed time. I put two carry-on bags in the back of the truck and we dropped Hope off at daycare. He "let" me drive the truck even! Apparently he thought we were headed to Tahoe or Reno, because when we passed the Tahoe turnoff, he smiled a smug little smile, and then when we passed the Reno turnoff, he looked genuinely confused. When I pulled into the airport, he couldn't stop asking questions. When I took him to JetBlue and told him where we were going, he was speechless, and then thrilled!!!!
I was so relieved, because I had worried that he might be mad. That maybe the gift was too big, or too expensive, or he shouldn't take time from his work or his Mom. No, he was just fine with it, grinning from ear to ear! We had a decent flight to JFK, then a long car ride to Jersey. It may come as a surprise to some people, but the Van Wyck is STILL under construction! (Ok, bad joke).
We went to SIL and BIL's house and had pasta and wine, and talked until about 1am. The next day, SIL and I left early to go to the shorehouse, while the guys waited for the babysitter. They stopped at Midway and had sausage and peppers, while we decorated the house. DH didn't know that there were 15 other family members waiting for him there. He was surprised when he walked in. Even though it rained all day and night, we had such a great time, laughing and just hanging out.
Our flight on Monday was totally whacked. I booked it thru America West and will never make that mistake again. The flight was late, we missed our connection, and ended up in Las Vegas at 2am (it was 98 degrees) with a voucher for the Airport HoJo's. What a pit! When we finally got to our room, the key worked, but a roach was running OUT of the room. I wish I could say it was the only insect I came across that night, but it wasn't even the only variety of bug. We took an 8am flight out of Vegas and after stopping for lunch, got home at around Noon, completely exhausted. I ended up napping on the couch most of the afternoon, with kids bouncing on me. I didn't even care....
The boys birthday party
Yep, I booked the bouncy waterslide, to the tune of $200 and invited 40 to the party. Looks like it will be closer to 20, but I actually considered being a "Costco Creep" and buying a waterslide there, knowing I would return it after the party. Ok, so I won't really, but I want too...it would save me $200.
I'm dreading paying bills this month, I haven't even looked at them. I will do it on Monday, I promise, but for now, I'm pretending that this isn't real money I'm spending.
6.02.2006
Birthday Season is approaching fast....
My BIL hasn't called me back yet. I hate wasting time like this, and I'd love to tell him to go twist in the wind, but I can't. Ah well, patience is a virtue, right?
I'm really good at spending money. I'm also in charge of spending money at my house, other than DH's occasional extravagance. The last time DH spent was um....today. One hundred and fifty bucks at the fish store. I spent $50 at the mall buying shoes for my son....and I feel guilty???? Why????? Some lame bullshit about wanting to fix everything for everyone? We don't have money to support my husbands aquarium habit, yet, here we are, doing just that. Last week it was $800 special lights for the big tank. I'm buying my kid the one pair of shoes he will actually wear all summer, and I should feel guilty because they cost $50? Oh, and I did notice that I didn't even LOOK in the window at the women's shoes. Money wears on me. I worry and worry, and worry some more.
DH actually wanted to plan the boys birthday party with me, and of course, was all excited about the possibility of renting out the laser tag arena for the kids. I'm not in the mood to entertain 30 8 and 9 year olds, when half of them are likely to not show up after they've RSVP'd. I actually costed it out, with the rental and food, and we'd be in at over $600...and that's if we actually stuck to the budget! For one birthday party! I know its for two kids, but sheesh!
That's not what I want my kids to value. I want them to know they are loved, and they already know that. I don't need to spend lots of money, I just need to let them know that the day they were born is a very special day for all of us. So DH and I talked some more, about an "old fashioned" BBQ party with water games and hot dogs. When I asked the kids about it, they were wild with excitement....a party with friends and family...not the coolest technology, but still loads of fun. I may end up renting a waterslide bouncer, just because I'd love to see the look on their faces...
See how I get in to these messes?
I'm really good at spending money. I'm also in charge of spending money at my house, other than DH's occasional extravagance. The last time DH spent was um....today. One hundred and fifty bucks at the fish store. I spent $50 at the mall buying shoes for my son....and I feel guilty???? Why????? Some lame bullshit about wanting to fix everything for everyone? We don't have money to support my husbands aquarium habit, yet, here we are, doing just that. Last week it was $800 special lights for the big tank. I'm buying my kid the one pair of shoes he will actually wear all summer, and I should feel guilty because they cost $50? Oh, and I did notice that I didn't even LOOK in the window at the women's shoes. Money wears on me. I worry and worry, and worry some more.
DH actually wanted to plan the boys birthday party with me, and of course, was all excited about the possibility of renting out the laser tag arena for the kids. I'm not in the mood to entertain 30 8 and 9 year olds, when half of them are likely to not show up after they've RSVP'd. I actually costed it out, with the rental and food, and we'd be in at over $600...and that's if we actually stuck to the budget! For one birthday party! I know its for two kids, but sheesh!
That's not what I want my kids to value. I want them to know they are loved, and they already know that. I don't need to spend lots of money, I just need to let them know that the day they were born is a very special day for all of us. So DH and I talked some more, about an "old fashioned" BBQ party with water games and hot dogs. When I asked the kids about it, they were wild with excitement....a party with friends and family...not the coolest technology, but still loads of fun. I may end up renting a waterslide bouncer, just because I'd love to see the look on their faces...
See how I get in to these messes?
5.31.2006
Where have I been?
May is a wonderful month.
The kids were on break, and we spent a wonderful lazy month. We made it to the Zoo and the movies twice, and spent the rest of the time at home. HOME....because my Mom wasn't here most of the time. Then when she did come back, she took a freelance job that keeps her away from 5am to 7pm four days a week. I'm actually starting to like her again.
I have things to talk to her about, and she has things to add to the conversation. I can have my husband all to myself during the day when he is home, and there isn't someone interrupting the "flow" of my day. I feel so cruel when I express these thoughts, but still, I am convinced that my Mom shouldn't be here. If I could get her to leave without crushing her, I would.
Back to May...
Delicious! DH took two weeks off, and I got to sleep in until 8am almost every day. He was only going to take one week off, but I caught a nasty virus, so he took care of me and the kids until I was better. He is a sweetie. One of our business plans fell thru, and my BIL is full of promises on another (hopefully he'll get his act together soon!).
I decided I should be able to envision my perfect day. What I'd be doing, down to the smallest details. Here's what I've got so far:
Wake up at 7:45am
Read paper and have breakfast
Shower and take kids to school
Work until 1pm
Lunch with hubby
Errands
Pick up kids after school
Lessons/Activities with kids
Dinner at 6pm
Family time from 7-9pm
Husband time from 9-11pm
Bed
So now that I can see it, can I get there? Well, I'm really hoping that BIL comes thru with his plans to expand business and make me a part of it. I'll be working more than 9a-1p )more like 9a-9p for a while!) but if the money is as good as I'm hoping, DH will be able to find a different job, so that he will actually BE here during those times.
I really am fighting acceptance of the fact that I need to work, and that it probably won't ever be for enough money. I need to get over it quick though, before I end up in ruins. I'm really scared for us financially, because while I know I can support myself, I've never had to support the whole family or even one other person. DH isn't asking me to do that, but I think all these years home have softened me a bit. I don't think I really appreciate how much work goes into a paycheck anymore, and I do remember feeling poor while I made perfectly good money. I guess it's about control.
The kids were on break, and we spent a wonderful lazy month. We made it to the Zoo and the movies twice, and spent the rest of the time at home. HOME....because my Mom wasn't here most of the time. Then when she did come back, she took a freelance job that keeps her away from 5am to 7pm four days a week. I'm actually starting to like her again.
I have things to talk to her about, and she has things to add to the conversation. I can have my husband all to myself during the day when he is home, and there isn't someone interrupting the "flow" of my day. I feel so cruel when I express these thoughts, but still, I am convinced that my Mom shouldn't be here. If I could get her to leave without crushing her, I would.
Back to May...
Delicious! DH took two weeks off, and I got to sleep in until 8am almost every day. He was only going to take one week off, but I caught a nasty virus, so he took care of me and the kids until I was better. He is a sweetie. One of our business plans fell thru, and my BIL is full of promises on another (hopefully he'll get his act together soon!).
I decided I should be able to envision my perfect day. What I'd be doing, down to the smallest details. Here's what I've got so far:
Wake up at 7:45am
Read paper and have breakfast
Shower and take kids to school
Work until 1pm
Lunch with hubby
Errands
Pick up kids after school
Lessons/Activities with kids
Dinner at 6pm
Family time from 7-9pm
Husband time from 9-11pm
Bed
So now that I can see it, can I get there? Well, I'm really hoping that BIL comes thru with his plans to expand business and make me a part of it. I'll be working more than 9a-1p )more like 9a-9p for a while!) but if the money is as good as I'm hoping, DH will be able to find a different job, so that he will actually BE here during those times.
I really am fighting acceptance of the fact that I need to work, and that it probably won't ever be for enough money. I need to get over it quick though, before I end up in ruins. I'm really scared for us financially, because while I know I can support myself, I've never had to support the whole family or even one other person. DH isn't asking me to do that, but I think all these years home have softened me a bit. I don't think I really appreciate how much work goes into a paycheck anymore, and I do remember feeling poor while I made perfectly good money. I guess it's about control.
5.01.2006
Number One Son
My eight year old is extremely bright. He's also emotionally deep, and he'd do just about anything to please me. I'm ashamed to say that I know this, and know how to use it my advantage. He's a great kid, in spite of my parental manipulations.
Saturday was his first "real" sleepover. He's stayed with cousins or with his brother and sister at the babysitters, but never at a friend's house. His friend Cade invited his entire Little League team and half his 3rd grade class to a "Super Sleepover". It started at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Joey packed his own suitcase, and I aired out a sleeping bag for him. He still sleeps with a special pillow (he calls it "Crunchy Pillow") and a blankee that my Mom made before he was born. The blankee is in rags, and isn't really allowed off his bed, because "it's too special". It doesn't go on vacations with us, but when Joey's had a bad day, he goes right to it. I explained that blankee wouldn't be going to the sleepover either, and he was OK with it. He made sure that Crunchy Pillow could pass muster though. It had a clean Spiderman pillowcase and didn't look one bit like a lovey.
I let him pack, and while I asked him about each item that he should include, I didn't double check it. I told him that we wouldn't even think of leaving until the clock struck two. We live about a 1/2 mile away, so lateness wasn't going to be an issue. I thought about all the sleepover "situations" I had in my past, and let him know that he could come home any time he wanted to, all he had to do was call. Even though he has them memorized, I wrote down our home number and my cell number, just in case.
It occurred to me that I was setting a negative tone, for all the things that might go wrong. So I began to chat up the positives, like getting to stay up late, and laughing and joking with friends. I only put one rule into place. If he chose to stay up really late, he wasn't going to be allowed to be rude or grumpy to his family when he came home the next day.
We got there, and they had a waterslide/bounce house set up in the backyard. We saw it as we approached the house. He forgot to bring his swimsuit!!! We quickly turned around and went home to get one....whew!!! I came with him to the door and went inside for a bit. While Cade's parents are nice enough, we're never gonna be best friends. I made sure that Joey was OK, and that the waterslide was safe enough for me, and said goodbye.
Hope and Matthew played together like angels the rest of the afternoon. At dinnertime, I started really missing Joey. I wanted him to have the time of his life, but I really missed him in the rhythm of the household. We had BBQ'd ribs and potato salad for dinner - two things that Joey doesn't like - and instead of enjoying it, I just missed him more. DH went to work that night, and by bedtime, Hope and Matthew decided to have a sleepover of their own. Matthew didn't want to be alone in his bedroom! Hope slept in Joey's bed.
I, for some reason, was restless and couldn't sleep. I stayed up until about 1:30, which is very unusual for me. Knowing Hope will be awake around 6am usually gets me into bed before midnight. The next morning, H & M were angels again....they were extra quiet, and got their own cereal for breakfast. I didn't hear a peep until 8am!
So the morning wait started. I wanted him to call when he was ready to come home. By 10:45, I couldn't wait any longer - I just needed to smell him! So I called, and told him I was on the way. He did have a great time, but he didn't get to sleep until about 1:30 because he couldn't get comfortable - he almost called home, but he thought it was too late. Little did he know, PsychicMom was on duty!
Anyways, I got my first taste of what life felt like without him, and I didn't like it much. He means so very much to me, my smart, funny boy. I hate to see him cross another milestone without even flinching.
Saturday was his first "real" sleepover. He's stayed with cousins or with his brother and sister at the babysitters, but never at a friend's house. His friend Cade invited his entire Little League team and half his 3rd grade class to a "Super Sleepover". It started at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Joey packed his own suitcase, and I aired out a sleeping bag for him. He still sleeps with a special pillow (he calls it "Crunchy Pillow") and a blankee that my Mom made before he was born. The blankee is in rags, and isn't really allowed off his bed, because "it's too special". It doesn't go on vacations with us, but when Joey's had a bad day, he goes right to it. I explained that blankee wouldn't be going to the sleepover either, and he was OK with it. He made sure that Crunchy Pillow could pass muster though. It had a clean Spiderman pillowcase and didn't look one bit like a lovey.
I let him pack, and while I asked him about each item that he should include, I didn't double check it. I told him that we wouldn't even think of leaving until the clock struck two. We live about a 1/2 mile away, so lateness wasn't going to be an issue. I thought about all the sleepover "situations" I had in my past, and let him know that he could come home any time he wanted to, all he had to do was call. Even though he has them memorized, I wrote down our home number and my cell number, just in case.
It occurred to me that I was setting a negative tone, for all the things that might go wrong. So I began to chat up the positives, like getting to stay up late, and laughing and joking with friends. I only put one rule into place. If he chose to stay up really late, he wasn't going to be allowed to be rude or grumpy to his family when he came home the next day.
We got there, and they had a waterslide/bounce house set up in the backyard. We saw it as we approached the house. He forgot to bring his swimsuit!!! We quickly turned around and went home to get one....whew!!! I came with him to the door and went inside for a bit. While Cade's parents are nice enough, we're never gonna be best friends. I made sure that Joey was OK, and that the waterslide was safe enough for me, and said goodbye.
Hope and Matthew played together like angels the rest of the afternoon. At dinnertime, I started really missing Joey. I wanted him to have the time of his life, but I really missed him in the rhythm of the household. We had BBQ'd ribs and potato salad for dinner - two things that Joey doesn't like - and instead of enjoying it, I just missed him more. DH went to work that night, and by bedtime, Hope and Matthew decided to have a sleepover of their own. Matthew didn't want to be alone in his bedroom! Hope slept in Joey's bed.
I, for some reason, was restless and couldn't sleep. I stayed up until about 1:30, which is very unusual for me. Knowing Hope will be awake around 6am usually gets me into bed before midnight. The next morning, H & M were angels again....they were extra quiet, and got their own cereal for breakfast. I didn't hear a peep until 8am!
So the morning wait started. I wanted him to call when he was ready to come home. By 10:45, I couldn't wait any longer - I just needed to smell him! So I called, and told him I was on the way. He did have a great time, but he didn't get to sleep until about 1:30 because he couldn't get comfortable - he almost called home, but he thought it was too late. Little did he know, PsychicMom was on duty!
Anyways, I got my first taste of what life felt like without him, and I didn't like it much. He means so very much to me, my smart, funny boy. I hate to see him cross another milestone without even flinching.
4.28.2006
Sweatpants and secrets....
Why do people tell me these things?
The past week has included 3 separate discussions with three separate people about the state of their own (or their husbands)...ummmm....private bits. Yes, really. It's rather difficult to keep a straight face, but now you too can read about them. Please swallow now, and leave liquids in their cups until you've finished....
Saturday night, we had a couple over for dinner for the first time. They are very nice people and we are considering investing in a restaurant together. We discovered how many friends we have in common, even back to our childhoods. My husband made a new recipe, which was outstanding....http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2006/04/20/WIG73I9DS61.DTL&type=food. We discussed business ideas and a general timeline. The evening was a smashing success, and no wine was involved. So, why did the husband insist on regaling us with his first paintball experience?
Yes "Lefty", as I'll call him from this day forward, played paintball for the first time wearing commando sweatpants. Yup, he got shot in the groin area. Wanna guess where? Amazing after a wonderful relaxing meal with new friends that THIS is the memory I take away, eh?
Then, on Tuesday, was at the grocery store. I ran into a work buddy of my husbands in line. He had, like, 10 bags of frozen peas. I noticed them, but I DID NOT ASK. Yet, mere moments later, he explained that he had a vasectomy done two days prior, and still had some swelling. Um....Do I really need to know this? I murmured a few kind words, and almost....almost offered to share my own limited post operative experiences with my husband, but I didn't. I know the cashier almost said something, but we shared a wink and managed not to burst out laughing. I completely lost it when I told DH about it later though. HE was sympathetic. Something about solidarity among men or something....
Thursday? Well, I was helping a good friend. Included in that, I picked up her son and took him to baseball practice with my kids. But first....I had to hear another groin tale. Once again, I did nothing to earn the right to such information....I knew my friend was going to the airport to pick up her Mother. I just asked where her husband was that night, thinking business trip, or company dinner, or whatever....turns out that he was "indisposed" too....
They went on a family trip last week, and returned Sunday night. Her hubby grabbed a pair of sweatpants (it's always sweatpants, isn't it?) from the closet floor when they got home. On Monday, things were a bit tender in the nether regions. By Tuesday, he was swearing that the redness and swelling were not the results of an STD given to him by God-knows-who and he accepted his fate and went to the Doctor. On Wednesday the doc proclaimed he had a nasty case of poison oak, which must have come from the sweatpants that were never washed at the end of duck hunting season. Being a man, he's been on pain pills for the last three days.
While I smiled and made "poor man" sounds while the story was being told, imagine my delight, when at 8pm, he showed up at my door to pick up his son. I did glance down, but I don't think he caught me doing it...I can't have him thinking I'm a pervert, can I? I started to tell DH the story after he left, but he was just amazed that I had so many conversations about other mens genitals, that we both fell into fits of laughter.
The past week has included 3 separate discussions with three separate people about the state of their own (or their husbands)...ummmm....private bits. Yes, really. It's rather difficult to keep a straight face, but now you too can read about them. Please swallow now, and leave liquids in their cups until you've finished....
Saturday night, we had a couple over for dinner for the first time. They are very nice people and we are considering investing in a restaurant together. We discovered how many friends we have in common, even back to our childhoods. My husband made a new recipe, which was outstanding....http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2006/04/20/WIG73I9DS61.DTL&type=food. We discussed business ideas and a general timeline. The evening was a smashing success, and no wine was involved. So, why did the husband insist on regaling us with his first paintball experience?
Yes "Lefty", as I'll call him from this day forward, played paintball for the first time wearing commando sweatpants. Yup, he got shot in the groin area. Wanna guess where? Amazing after a wonderful relaxing meal with new friends that THIS is the memory I take away, eh?
Then, on Tuesday, was at the grocery store. I ran into a work buddy of my husbands in line. He had, like, 10 bags of frozen peas. I noticed them, but I DID NOT ASK. Yet, mere moments later, he explained that he had a vasectomy done two days prior, and still had some swelling. Um....Do I really need to know this? I murmured a few kind words, and almost....almost offered to share my own limited post operative experiences with my husband, but I didn't. I know the cashier almost said something, but we shared a wink and managed not to burst out laughing. I completely lost it when I told DH about it later though. HE was sympathetic. Something about solidarity among men or something....
Thursday? Well, I was helping a good friend. Included in that, I picked up her son and took him to baseball practice with my kids. But first....I had to hear another groin tale. Once again, I did nothing to earn the right to such information....I knew my friend was going to the airport to pick up her Mother. I just asked where her husband was that night, thinking business trip, or company dinner, or whatever....turns out that he was "indisposed" too....
They went on a family trip last week, and returned Sunday night. Her hubby grabbed a pair of sweatpants (it's always sweatpants, isn't it?) from the closet floor when they got home. On Monday, things were a bit tender in the nether regions. By Tuesday, he was swearing that the redness and swelling were not the results of an STD given to him by God-knows-who and he accepted his fate and went to the Doctor. On Wednesday the doc proclaimed he had a nasty case of poison oak, which must have come from the sweatpants that were never washed at the end of duck hunting season. Being a man, he's been on pain pills for the last three days.
While I smiled and made "poor man" sounds while the story was being told, imagine my delight, when at 8pm, he showed up at my door to pick up his son. I did glance down, but I don't think he caught me doing it...I can't have him thinking I'm a pervert, can I? I started to tell DH the story after he left, but he was just amazed that I had so many conversations about other mens genitals, that we both fell into fits of laughter.
4.25.2006
Caffeine overload...
My friend LOVES coffee....Me? not so much....
I mean, I do like coffee, but I don't drink it everyday. I tend to splurge every once in a while on a latte, but ordinarily, the caffeine is too much. Zoe, however, drinks espresso by the gallon.
She bought her husband a very spendy cappuccino machine for Christmas. I really, REALLY appreciated the caramel machiato last Saturday morning when the Little League game started at 8am. However, I'm not thrilled with the one she handed me today, at a 5pm practice. Why? Because I'm gonna be up all night! I really should have said something, but it was already made, unasked for, etc. I wanted to be "nice", and now I'm either gonna have to medicate myself or look like a hag tomorrow.
Tomorrow I go to the dentist to have a crown "adjusted". Actually my dentist (that I adore) did a shitty job on the crown, so now every kind of debris gets stuck there. (Disgusting, I know.) It has made me floss more often, but still.....It's kinda pathetic that I'm looking forward to this. See, I'll get probably 4 hours away from the house and kids, and I'm secretly thrilled. My dentist happens to be in the Big City, the one where I lived before I got married and had kids, so there are lots of good memories, and all of them are selfish ones! I'll probably drive past my old apartment, and maybe have lunch near my old job....and just maybe I'll run into someone I used to know.
More likely, I'll be frustrated with parking and drivers, and leave early, just to get out of the congestion! Still, it's nice to "visit" the life I used to have, knowing that I'm not ever going to be that person again, but that she's part of me.
I mean, I do like coffee, but I don't drink it everyday. I tend to splurge every once in a while on a latte, but ordinarily, the caffeine is too much. Zoe, however, drinks espresso by the gallon.
She bought her husband a very spendy cappuccino machine for Christmas. I really, REALLY appreciated the caramel machiato last Saturday morning when the Little League game started at 8am. However, I'm not thrilled with the one she handed me today, at a 5pm practice. Why? Because I'm gonna be up all night! I really should have said something, but it was already made, unasked for, etc. I wanted to be "nice", and now I'm either gonna have to medicate myself or look like a hag tomorrow.
Tomorrow I go to the dentist to have a crown "adjusted". Actually my dentist (that I adore) did a shitty job on the crown, so now every kind of debris gets stuck there. (Disgusting, I know.) It has made me floss more often, but still.....It's kinda pathetic that I'm looking forward to this. See, I'll get probably 4 hours away from the house and kids, and I'm secretly thrilled. My dentist happens to be in the Big City, the one where I lived before I got married and had kids, so there are lots of good memories, and all of them are selfish ones! I'll probably drive past my old apartment, and maybe have lunch near my old job....and just maybe I'll run into someone I used to know.
More likely, I'll be frustrated with parking and drivers, and leave early, just to get out of the congestion! Still, it's nice to "visit" the life I used to have, knowing that I'm not ever going to be that person again, but that she's part of me.
4.24.2006
16 days....
Ok, so it's been awhile....I've been busy.
Mom's been out of state for three weeks now, helping my niece, who doesn't understand the whole concept of "getting better". Of course, no one makes her move her muscles, so her rehab is going to take a while. I could go on an on about it, but I'll just piss somebody off....so.....
It's been nice having her gone. I'm getting things done around here, and feeling confident and in control. I've actually noticed my self esteem grow daily without having certain people around second guessing me, or worrying about what they might think. Perhaps I should take that lesson and apply it when "certain people" are actually around, eh? I'm telling you, I grow more brilliant by the day! LOL!!!
His Mom: DH is finding it tough to deal with her, because she won't do much to help herself. Still, he tries his best, and it seems to make him appreciate all he has at home. I know my turn with parental health issues is coming, and I'm not looking forward to it either.
The kids: The boys month long school break starts tomorrow. They are excited, yet disappointed that there is no "big" vacation this time. Well, vacations cost money, and I'm not feeling really rich these days.
I want so much for DH to leave his current job, and we've found a few business opportunities. If we buy a small business, I'd love to take a week off before we take over, but I cannot feel good about heaping up debt right now, until we have a brighter future to look towards. I should really go and get a job, but I'm a bit scared. One of the toughest transitions of my life was from middle management to Stay at Home Mom. How the hell do I go back to what I was then, and reconcile it with motherhood? I found the two to be incompatible in the past...and what will it do to my kids? (Of course, the alternative, what will being poorer than I'm willing to be do to my kids?)
Pondering....
Mom's been out of state for three weeks now, helping my niece, who doesn't understand the whole concept of "getting better". Of course, no one makes her move her muscles, so her rehab is going to take a while. I could go on an on about it, but I'll just piss somebody off....so.....
It's been nice having her gone. I'm getting things done around here, and feeling confident and in control. I've actually noticed my self esteem grow daily without having certain people around second guessing me, or worrying about what they might think. Perhaps I should take that lesson and apply it when "certain people" are actually around, eh? I'm telling you, I grow more brilliant by the day! LOL!!!
His Mom: DH is finding it tough to deal with her, because she won't do much to help herself. Still, he tries his best, and it seems to make him appreciate all he has at home. I know my turn with parental health issues is coming, and I'm not looking forward to it either.
The kids: The boys month long school break starts tomorrow. They are excited, yet disappointed that there is no "big" vacation this time. Well, vacations cost money, and I'm not feeling really rich these days.
I want so much for DH to leave his current job, and we've found a few business opportunities. If we buy a small business, I'd love to take a week off before we take over, but I cannot feel good about heaping up debt right now, until we have a brighter future to look towards. I should really go and get a job, but I'm a bit scared. One of the toughest transitions of my life was from middle management to Stay at Home Mom. How the hell do I go back to what I was then, and reconcile it with motherhood? I found the two to be incompatible in the past...and what will it do to my kids? (Of course, the alternative, what will being poorer than I'm willing to be do to my kids?)
Pondering....
4.11.2006
My Xanax couch....
I did see the doctor. Well, not MY doctor, because he's out of town right now, but A doctor. He seemed to think that "taking time for you" was a good idea. When I laughed at him, I think I crossed the line into maniacal laughter, because he finally started listening to what I had to say.
I told him that I am probably one of the more "self aware" patients he's likely to come across in this setting, and that the reason why I was in his office was because while pedicures and "remembering to breathe" are useful, they are NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW. Finally he coughed up some short term happy pills, and a follow up with my regular doc next month. Yipee!!! Just knowing that I have an extra bit of ammo in my arsenal helps a great deal. I've only taken two of the pills, and I have no intention of using them all up anytime soon. They're like my secret stash for when the world gets to be too much.
I happen to live in the part of California that is under flood watch. My own home is a bit too far away from the river to be threatened, but lots of other townsfolk are concerned. One homeowner is building a berm around her home as she was flooded out about 5 years back. As she said "No one's laughing at me"....DH and I went to run some errands in the next town over, and drove across the river. It's high, alright, but it isn't overflowing. It was slightly reassuring to see all the levees and fill ponds between our home and the river, looking nice and empty so far. Of course, the trailer park is under water...figures.
We seem to have MIL worked out so far. I've pretty much resigned my duties, other than as a supportive, loving spouse. I'm gonna make it as easy as possible for DH to be there and help his mom, but I'm not doing any heavy lifting. It just isn't good for me. That said, I did some shopping: purchased a safe shower bench, the aforementioned microwave, and went on the 'net to purchase her "missing" birth certificate. I'm very helpful, aren't I? DH spent Monday with her, doing shopping and chores, and his Aunt (her sister) will fill in for the rest of the week. DH will try to get back there on Sunday or Monday.
After DH and I patched things up on Friday, an angel of mercy must have thumped him on the head! He turned back into the most supportive, caring guy anyone would ever have the chance to meet. I fondly remember him behaving this way all the time, prior to about 6 months ago. Apparently, he's back, and welcomed by me with open arms! Makes me notice all the little things I appreciate about him when he's doing the same for me. We're just basking in co-appreciation. It really does help things, and I think he likes it just as much as I do. Makes it kinda worth the low point last week (well, almost - I hate getting that upset!)
The kids are OK. I've got a surly 8 year old, a kinestetic 7 year old (meet with his pedi tomorrow) and a 4 year old with a nagging cough. We're trying new allergy meds for Hope and I'm interested to see what the doc has to say about Matthew. I'm NOT putting him on any meds besides his asthma ones. We're a prescription filled family right now. The boys laid in bed and talked until 10pm tonight. Normal bedtime is 8:30, and I'm not looking forward to all the crankiness tomorrow. I'd better rest up myself.
I told him that I am probably one of the more "self aware" patients he's likely to come across in this setting, and that the reason why I was in his office was because while pedicures and "remembering to breathe" are useful, they are NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW. Finally he coughed up some short term happy pills, and a follow up with my regular doc next month. Yipee!!! Just knowing that I have an extra bit of ammo in my arsenal helps a great deal. I've only taken two of the pills, and I have no intention of using them all up anytime soon. They're like my secret stash for when the world gets to be too much.
I happen to live in the part of California that is under flood watch. My own home is a bit too far away from the river to be threatened, but lots of other townsfolk are concerned. One homeowner is building a berm around her home as she was flooded out about 5 years back. As she said "No one's laughing at me"....DH and I went to run some errands in the next town over, and drove across the river. It's high, alright, but it isn't overflowing. It was slightly reassuring to see all the levees and fill ponds between our home and the river, looking nice and empty so far. Of course, the trailer park is under water...figures.
We seem to have MIL worked out so far. I've pretty much resigned my duties, other than as a supportive, loving spouse. I'm gonna make it as easy as possible for DH to be there and help his mom, but I'm not doing any heavy lifting. It just isn't good for me. That said, I did some shopping: purchased a safe shower bench, the aforementioned microwave, and went on the 'net to purchase her "missing" birth certificate. I'm very helpful, aren't I? DH spent Monday with her, doing shopping and chores, and his Aunt (her sister) will fill in for the rest of the week. DH will try to get back there on Sunday or Monday.
After DH and I patched things up on Friday, an angel of mercy must have thumped him on the head! He turned back into the most supportive, caring guy anyone would ever have the chance to meet. I fondly remember him behaving this way all the time, prior to about 6 months ago. Apparently, he's back, and welcomed by me with open arms! Makes me notice all the little things I appreciate about him when he's doing the same for me. We're just basking in co-appreciation. It really does help things, and I think he likes it just as much as I do. Makes it kinda worth the low point last week (well, almost - I hate getting that upset!)
The kids are OK. I've got a surly 8 year old, a kinestetic 7 year old (meet with his pedi tomorrow) and a 4 year old with a nagging cough. We're trying new allergy meds for Hope and I'm interested to see what the doc has to say about Matthew. I'm NOT putting him on any meds besides his asthma ones. We're a prescription filled family right now. The boys laid in bed and talked until 10pm tonight. Normal bedtime is 8:30, and I'm not looking forward to all the crankiness tomorrow. I'd better rest up myself.
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