Why I hate porn...

Today, I walked into the computer room, to find a clip of a woman giving head playing on my 19 inch monitor. My daughter (as usual) was following close behind me. She's 4.

It's impossible to describe my feelings accurately, as it literally punched all my buttons at the same time, and added a few new ones to my circutboard.

Normally, porn is something that I ignore. My DH is an occasional user, and will sometimes receive a link from a friend (?) DH knows that I don't really approve, because, like millions of women, it makes me feel inadequate. I really don't need help to make myself feel this way, and while DH has heard me out on the issue, he's honest about what he does and doesn't look at, and I kinda respect that too.

My child had absolutely no idea what she was looking at, and I was very quick to close the window. "What she did or didn't see" is not an issue here. I do not want her exposed to strangers having sex. Period. It wasn't really anything I thought of before that exact moment, but there it is.

It also punched my buttons regarding women who participate in the porn industry. Yep, I'm one of those people who think they are being objectified and often abused. I don't think it is "normal" to want to have sex with strangers in front of a camera. Call me a prude, I'll deal with it.

Then my mind leapfrogs to the whole..."but that IS somebody's little girl" issue. And I can't let go of that idea. I cannot imagine how my husband, the father of the most beautiful little girl in the universe, can ever look at another woman without realizing that they are all somebody's daughter. This, apparently, is a big hangup for me. I'm wondering what his take is on it.

We haven't been able to have a conversation about it yet because we've had a very busy day. I'm planning on taking him out tomorrow night, just so we can try to work thru it.

I thought that by taking a few minutes to write out my impressions, I'd get some clarity on the issue, but it's just as complicated as ever. Sex is just a small part of this, it's the associations, experiences, trust issues, self esteem, fantasy, and potential for my kids that's all wrapped inside it.

That's why I hate porn.