Too Melancholy

Last week had me feeling more than a bit melancholy. Besides the 9/11 stuff, my kids are feeling the pain of losing someone they loved, again.

If you're a regular here, you know my FIL died last November. My husband still misses his Dad every single day. He's doing fine, but the pain is there, and it's palpable. Still, he's doing well enough, and setting a great example to our sons about feelings and how to handle them.

Then Steve Irwin died. No, he is not a personal friend of the family. However, my boys literally grew up with Steve on TV. Matthew is the same age as his daughter, and then there is the Eugene, Oregon connection. The boys know that Steve's wife is from Eugene, and my brother (their Uncle) was Terri's neighbor before she up and moved to Australia. Both of them watched Steve on TV regularly and wildlife programming is a favorite.

Let me digress for a moment. The boys TV watching habits were almost exclusively Animal Planet for a long time. They both care a lot about animals and the zoo is still a favorite outing. About 3 years ago, someone gave me free tickets to the circus, so I took the boys. They were excited to see the performers and the animals. The Ringmaster really talked up the Lion and Tiger experience. My sons HATED it. They thought it was cruel to make the animals perform, instead of just having a chance to learn about their "real" behavior. They were 5 and 6 at the time.

Anyways, back to the original point. Steve's death is very, very real to the boys. They are both tying the event back to their beloved Papa as well. The Croc Hunter programming is still all over the TV. Add the promos that Animal Planet and Discovery are running and, well, I've had to put a ban on both channels for a few days, while they both work thru this a bit. I spent last Sunday with Joey sobbing in my arms on three separate occasions thru the day. I would do anything to take away the pain, but I'm settling for him actually understanding that I know what kind of pain he feels.

Matthew is taking the avoidance route, and it's not good. He didn't do well at the funeral last year, and my Mom had to take him home. I made a bad parenting call for the sake of seeing my seven year old in a suit. I still regret it, and have tried to talk to Matthew about it more than once, but he still gets very upset.

My SIL has already scheduled a visit in November, so that we can spread her Dad's ashes. Matthew doesn't know that they are in a box in the living room, and have been for almost a year. He may very well FREAK OUT when I tell him. I haven't a clue what Joey will do either. I just know I have to start talking about this now, so that they will be OK bu the time the East Coast contingent arrives, right after Halloween.