Desperation, and other moods....

DH has worked at his job for 13 years. He's always underestimated himself and his worth at any job. Even so, he's good at anything he applies himself to, and has a great way with people. He has his own standards that aren't written in any job description, and has a great sense of personal integrity. One of the many reasons to love him.

His job sucks. It also sucks the life out of him. He'd do anything to make it better, but it's totally out of his control He feels like he can't find anything better, and considers himself unskilled. He's dead wrong, but that's what he believes.

I remember when he used to work full time with his Mom at a bar they co-owned. He'd regularly work his ass off, only to be kicked in it by her alcoholism. For a very long time, he believed that this was as good as it was ever gonna get. Then he got pissed off at her one day and landed a new job. In an afternoon. Selling cars.

He was 21 years old, and it took him three weeks to sell his first car. He never looked back, and in 7 more days, beat his quota and made salesman of the month. At last, something he was very very good at, all by himself. Too bad the dealership management didn't have any scruples. The second time they cheated him out of his commission, he walked out. Good for him.

He applied to work at the Sherrif's office. Made it all the way thru the final eval. The psychiatric board found him "very sound of mind", but didn't make a recommendation to hire because they were worried about how he would fit it in among the ethnic diversity of the department. That totally sucked, but it was too expensive and frustrating to mount a discrimination case...he needed a job.

So he went to work at the newspaper. Great benefits, regular work. He quickly became too smart for them, but he liked the sense of unity, and the benefits. Medical for the whole family, retirement, 401K, dental, vision...the works. He's addicted to the benefits now. I keep explaining that we could privatize our insurance for about the same cost now, and he could be free...but he really wants to think things will get better. I think it's his outlet for reliving his experiences with his Mom, just to get all Freudian on y'all.

They treat him like shit there, and would fire him in an instant if they could get away with it. I've wanted him out for years now. Looks like I might get my wish. He's terrified, and so am I. It can only get better, but it means a lot of change for us. I'm waiting for BIL to come thru for me, so that DH can take his time to find something new.

Please, make it fast, BIL.