Granted...taking and taken for

My mom left for a week long vacation today...Hooray! I'm happy because she loves to travel and should be doing something exciting with her "golden years", and because she'll be outta my hair for almost 8 days.

Hope and I drove her to the airport today. It was an hour long drive, so I parked when we got there, and we walked Grandma into the terminal and helped her check in. Mostly just to stretch Hope's legs. Rain was threatening, so we were only there for 10 minutes or so, and Hope threw a fit when we left. I...miss...Grandma!", she wailed. I reassured her that Grandma would be back and full of fun stories to tell.

When we got back home, both the boys weighed in with "I really wish Grandma was here" and "I miss Grandma already". For some reason (jealousy, perhaps?) this irritated the living shit outta me. I finally snapped at Joey and told him that while I understood that he loves his Grandma, I was feeling a bit hurt...like maybe I wasn't good enough.

Know what? It feels lousy to feel jealous, and even lousier to use your school age kid for therapy. I should have been able to rise above those comments. I have children that are lucky enough to have a few grandparents that they love, and I'm stomping on it because I should be the one they love most? It's nauseating just to type that out, but maybe I should really LOOK at the words.

My excuse is that I'm beyond worried right now. DH finally agreed to go to Urgent Care. He's been complaining all day of abdominal pain. Not a stomach ache, pain. He had his gallbladder out last year, so it might be his pancreas. I hope to hell it isn't, and I hope that he is feeling better, immediately. I'm terrified, because I can't help him. I have no one to watch the kids, and if he is seriously ill, shouldn't I be comforting them too? I wish I had a clone, and a medical degree. We'll know more later.