In defense of marriage

Divorce seems to be a popular topic these days.



A friend told me that another friend of ours had decided to divorce after 15 years of marriage. Then, I saw that one of my favorite writers, Vicki Iovine, is ending her marriage after 20+ years. To put the icing on the cake, I read an article about divorce and why the author thought that marriage was outdated and inappropriate for this day and age...How she had an affair, decided on divorce, and now lots of her friends are doing it too!

Because her "heart didn't lift anymore when he walked in the room" and she "didn't want to do the work to fall in love with him again".



Then I looked at my "not perfect at all " life, and my husband, and my heart lifted. See, I'm one of those people who loves being married. It's probably the best thing that ever happened to me in my entire life. Marriage is FANTASTIC. Where else can you find the one person who knows you well enough to call you on all your own crap? My hubby makes me better than I would be by myself...because I can't get away with all my delaying, bullshitting stuff.



The history we share....he is the only person I know (including family members) who has been around me this many years. He KNOWS me...and I KNOW him...yet there are still things about him to discover.



I don't understand the "single is better" approach. I don't understand the "my life is happier now that I've moved on from my 25 years of history with this person". What's so wrong with sticking it out thru the not so good times? I've learned so much by doing that, about myself and about the one I love....



It's so difficult to describe the deep emotional satisfaction that comes from knowing who I love and who loves me. I know who to call first, and who will be there when I get home at night. I know who to ask when I want sex. I like being able to tell from the tone of his voice or a quick look at his face what he's feeling. The shorthand of our life together is more like a dance than anything else.



Who else can I be this vulnerable with? When we argue, I always ask myself if I need to be right this time...and sometimes the answer is no.


So, why aren't there any articles celebrating the pleasures of long term commitment? What's so great about serial monogamy instead of actual monogamy?

Day 6, chatty me

Day 5 didn't coun't because I went to work. I had to finish up my end of fiscal year stuff. All done!!!

I've rearranged Hope's room and it looks great! She is happy with her full sized bed and new armoire. I put all of her clothes away this morning, and it looks like it should fit everything nicely. I had to find the right sized storage bins to use as "drawers" on the shelves. Makes it a whole lot easier for her to reach things in the back. Now I need to clear out the gigantic heap in my living room, and organize her toys. This is not going to be fun, but I will feel great when I am done.

DH has taken the boys to see Transformers 2. Hope and I will go get pedicures instead. Can I just bitch a minute and say that so far this morning I have made breakfast (omelets even!) for the whole family, planned the next three nights meals, grocery shopped, organized Hope's closet, done a load of laundry and run two other errands and I have no evidence that DH did anything other than watch the kids while I did it? I am going to be one aggravated woman if this keeps up!

I got a phone call from a friend yesterday. Seems Little League has COMPLETELY spiraled out of control. She needs me to come to court as a witness to get a restraining order against a Mom that offered to "throw down" at a recent game. Honestly? I don't get it....it's baseball for our KIDS...not some parental drama. Should be interesting. I don't know if I am inviting the crazy lady into my life by doing this though....worries me a bit, but not too much. I'll just tell the judge what I saw....

I keep thinking about my other friend who has so clearly dropped me. I wish I could just forget about her completely, but I see her often as I'm driving around town doing my errands. She always looks away if she notices me. I really don't want to be friends with someone who would treat a "friend" like this. I would rather confront and resolve the problem, but I can't see how it would resolve, just escalate. So I am trying to let it go....I wish I was better at it, or I lived in a bigger town where it wasn't in my face so much.

I'm on vacation...ya ya ya ya yeah!

Wow...six weeks in the summer.....

There is so much to do around here! I hope that I accomplish it all AND learn how to relax.

I need to deep clean the house, and find my husband a job, and play with my kids, and maybe take a road trip or two, and there's a wedding...but I'm not sure I'm going yet.

My brother sent me a letter. He actually apologized for his behaviour last year. While I accept his apology, the negative side of me thinks he only did it so that we would come to his son's wedding. And what's so wrong with that?

Now, if I could just sort out my Mom issues...but I really don't want to right now. Is it wrong of me to take as much time as I need? I can't even define clearly what all the problems are, nor which ones are most important to me. This is just gonna have to wait until I want to deal with it. Right now, it's good enough for me. OK?

Conquering the reformat...

I haven't had to do this in a while, but I managed to reformat one of my home computers successfully last night. Time consuming, but nothing I couldn't handle. Nice to know that I still have some technical skills.

Alureon.gen

MALWARE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two of my computers have been infected with alureon.gen.....and I really don't want to reformat them. I spoke with someone in India today that gave me a bunch of standard procedures (most of which I already followed) to try. The last one is running right now...here's hoping that it works, because otherwise, I will be reformatting.

Why is some hacker thinking that he is the coolest for creating crap like this? If you know him, kick his ass for me, would you?

Eating the Elephant...

"Mom, how do you eat an elephant?"
"I don't know honey, how DO you eat an elephant?
"One bite at a time...."

Outta the mouths of babes.....I mean...WOW. That is EXACTLY how to eat an elephant. Or solve a problem that seems elephant sized, even.

So, I'm keeping it in mind...the elephant, and the size of the bites I'm taking.

I love so many things about my life...my husband, my kids, the fact that I am working at a place that actually means something. The "elephant filet mignon" if you will...

There are other things I don't love...my kids education, my community, the state of many of my relationships. Let's just call this the "shank" for now.

But they are all part of the elephant. If I'm going to eat the elephant, I've got to find a way to make the less palatable parts a little more bearable. That way when someone asks me if I ate the elephant, I can honestly say "Yep, the whole thing!"

The Party's Over...

Wow!



I just reread the last 5 posts.



I still believe that I am right to stop the insanity. I know that I don't want to continue relationships that are unhealthy. I also know that unhealthy is "familiar" in more ways than one, and it's clear to me that part of me still wants to recreate what I already know.



I often wonder why I feel like I am "supposed" to do things for the sake of the family - Like let people get away with atrocious behaviour. One of the things that works best for DH and our family is that we insist that every family member treats one another with love and respect. The premise is that these are the people who you LOVE...they should be treated even better than you would treat a stranger, not worse!

So...aside from the occasional pity party (yes, I am allowed from time to time!)...I'm done with worrying about people who don't measure up. And I'm going to repeat the phrase "Really, it isn't me!" over and over again until I believe it.

I've been able to find and nurture some great relationships in my life, and some have failed, regardless of how much effort I put in to them.

I believe I will keep trying.

Do you like me?

Pity Party.....begin!

My life has changed.

I don't have a relationship with most of my siblings. My brother has not answered my request for an apology. My other brother has disappeared since my Mom moved in with him. While I've spoken with my sister, we're both avoiding the elephant that is my Mother in the room. I still don't miss my Mom, although my kids do, and that hurts.

My Dad and I have come full circle to a loving respectful relationship, based on each of our own strengths and weaknesses, not our stereotypes of each other.

My two closests friends are now closest to each other. I've been completely shut out of the loop, leaving me with ZERO female friends my age who live within a 75 mile radius.

My husband is still unemployed, and hasn't had any luck with interviews. If this continues, we will lose our house, and who knows what else. He is an amazing husband, father and friend, however, because I am so dependent on him right now, I am not willing to tell him all the things I wish he would do (spend more time job hunting, clean the house, spend less time with the TV, etc.) because I think that once I start criticizing, I won't be able to stop.

I'm exhausted and depressed. I'm afraid to call my girlfriends who DO live 100+ miles away because I need to verbally vomit on someone. I can't afford to lose any more human connections right now.

How did I end up so lonely? I'm a nice person, who cares about her friends. I don't give a shit about how much money someone has, just what their values are. My long-distance friends are some of the most kick-ass women I know....so why don't any of them live here?

Why can't I get over the pity party, and move on?