May is a wonderful month.
The kids were on break, and we spent a wonderful lazy month. We made it to the Zoo and the movies twice, and spent the rest of the time at home. HOME....because my Mom wasn't here most of the time. Then when she did come back, she took a freelance job that keeps her away from 5am to 7pm four days a week. I'm actually starting to like her again.
I have things to talk to her about, and she has things to add to the conversation. I can have my husband all to myself during the day when he is home, and there isn't someone interrupting the "flow" of my day. I feel so cruel when I express these thoughts, but still, I am convinced that my Mom shouldn't be here. If I could get her to leave without crushing her, I would.
Back to May...
Delicious! DH took two weeks off, and I got to sleep in until 8am almost every day. He was only going to take one week off, but I caught a nasty virus, so he took care of me and the kids until I was better. He is a sweetie. One of our business plans fell thru, and my BIL is full of promises on another (hopefully he'll get his act together soon!).
I decided I should be able to envision my perfect day. What I'd be doing, down to the smallest details. Here's what I've got so far:
Wake up at 7:45am
Read paper and have breakfast
Shower and take kids to school
Work until 1pm
Lunch with hubby
Errands
Pick up kids after school
Lessons/Activities with kids
Dinner at 6pm
Family time from 7-9pm
Husband time from 9-11pm
Bed
So now that I can see it, can I get there? Well, I'm really hoping that BIL comes thru with his plans to expand business and make me a part of it. I'll be working more than 9a-1p )more like 9a-9p for a while!) but if the money is as good as I'm hoping, DH will be able to find a different job, so that he will actually BE here during those times.
I really am fighting acceptance of the fact that I need to work, and that it probably won't ever be for enough money. I need to get over it quick though, before I end up in ruins. I'm really scared for us financially, because while I know I can support myself, I've never had to support the whole family or even one other person. DH isn't asking me to do that, but I think all these years home have softened me a bit. I don't think I really appreciate how much work goes into a paycheck anymore, and I do remember feeling poor while I made perfectly good money. I guess it's about control.
5.31.2006
5.01.2006
Number One Son
My eight year old is extremely bright. He's also emotionally deep, and he'd do just about anything to please me. I'm ashamed to say that I know this, and know how to use it my advantage. He's a great kid, in spite of my parental manipulations.
Saturday was his first "real" sleepover. He's stayed with cousins or with his brother and sister at the babysitters, but never at a friend's house. His friend Cade invited his entire Little League team and half his 3rd grade class to a "Super Sleepover". It started at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Joey packed his own suitcase, and I aired out a sleeping bag for him. He still sleeps with a special pillow (he calls it "Crunchy Pillow") and a blankee that my Mom made before he was born. The blankee is in rags, and isn't really allowed off his bed, because "it's too special". It doesn't go on vacations with us, but when Joey's had a bad day, he goes right to it. I explained that blankee wouldn't be going to the sleepover either, and he was OK with it. He made sure that Crunchy Pillow could pass muster though. It had a clean Spiderman pillowcase and didn't look one bit like a lovey.
I let him pack, and while I asked him about each item that he should include, I didn't double check it. I told him that we wouldn't even think of leaving until the clock struck two. We live about a 1/2 mile away, so lateness wasn't going to be an issue. I thought about all the sleepover "situations" I had in my past, and let him know that he could come home any time he wanted to, all he had to do was call. Even though he has them memorized, I wrote down our home number and my cell number, just in case.
It occurred to me that I was setting a negative tone, for all the things that might go wrong. So I began to chat up the positives, like getting to stay up late, and laughing and joking with friends. I only put one rule into place. If he chose to stay up really late, he wasn't going to be allowed to be rude or grumpy to his family when he came home the next day.
We got there, and they had a waterslide/bounce house set up in the backyard. We saw it as we approached the house. He forgot to bring his swimsuit!!! We quickly turned around and went home to get one....whew!!! I came with him to the door and went inside for a bit. While Cade's parents are nice enough, we're never gonna be best friends. I made sure that Joey was OK, and that the waterslide was safe enough for me, and said goodbye.
Hope and Matthew played together like angels the rest of the afternoon. At dinnertime, I started really missing Joey. I wanted him to have the time of his life, but I really missed him in the rhythm of the household. We had BBQ'd ribs and potato salad for dinner - two things that Joey doesn't like - and instead of enjoying it, I just missed him more. DH went to work that night, and by bedtime, Hope and Matthew decided to have a sleepover of their own. Matthew didn't want to be alone in his bedroom! Hope slept in Joey's bed.
I, for some reason, was restless and couldn't sleep. I stayed up until about 1:30, which is very unusual for me. Knowing Hope will be awake around 6am usually gets me into bed before midnight. The next morning, H & M were angels again....they were extra quiet, and got their own cereal for breakfast. I didn't hear a peep until 8am!
So the morning wait started. I wanted him to call when he was ready to come home. By 10:45, I couldn't wait any longer - I just needed to smell him! So I called, and told him I was on the way. He did have a great time, but he didn't get to sleep until about 1:30 because he couldn't get comfortable - he almost called home, but he thought it was too late. Little did he know, PsychicMom was on duty!
Anyways, I got my first taste of what life felt like without him, and I didn't like it much. He means so very much to me, my smart, funny boy. I hate to see him cross another milestone without even flinching.
Saturday was his first "real" sleepover. He's stayed with cousins or with his brother and sister at the babysitters, but never at a friend's house. His friend Cade invited his entire Little League team and half his 3rd grade class to a "Super Sleepover". It started at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Joey packed his own suitcase, and I aired out a sleeping bag for him. He still sleeps with a special pillow (he calls it "Crunchy Pillow") and a blankee that my Mom made before he was born. The blankee is in rags, and isn't really allowed off his bed, because "it's too special". It doesn't go on vacations with us, but when Joey's had a bad day, he goes right to it. I explained that blankee wouldn't be going to the sleepover either, and he was OK with it. He made sure that Crunchy Pillow could pass muster though. It had a clean Spiderman pillowcase and didn't look one bit like a lovey.
I let him pack, and while I asked him about each item that he should include, I didn't double check it. I told him that we wouldn't even think of leaving until the clock struck two. We live about a 1/2 mile away, so lateness wasn't going to be an issue. I thought about all the sleepover "situations" I had in my past, and let him know that he could come home any time he wanted to, all he had to do was call. Even though he has them memorized, I wrote down our home number and my cell number, just in case.
It occurred to me that I was setting a negative tone, for all the things that might go wrong. So I began to chat up the positives, like getting to stay up late, and laughing and joking with friends. I only put one rule into place. If he chose to stay up really late, he wasn't going to be allowed to be rude or grumpy to his family when he came home the next day.
We got there, and they had a waterslide/bounce house set up in the backyard. We saw it as we approached the house. He forgot to bring his swimsuit!!! We quickly turned around and went home to get one....whew!!! I came with him to the door and went inside for a bit. While Cade's parents are nice enough, we're never gonna be best friends. I made sure that Joey was OK, and that the waterslide was safe enough for me, and said goodbye.
Hope and Matthew played together like angels the rest of the afternoon. At dinnertime, I started really missing Joey. I wanted him to have the time of his life, but I really missed him in the rhythm of the household. We had BBQ'd ribs and potato salad for dinner - two things that Joey doesn't like - and instead of enjoying it, I just missed him more. DH went to work that night, and by bedtime, Hope and Matthew decided to have a sleepover of their own. Matthew didn't want to be alone in his bedroom! Hope slept in Joey's bed.
I, for some reason, was restless and couldn't sleep. I stayed up until about 1:30, which is very unusual for me. Knowing Hope will be awake around 6am usually gets me into bed before midnight. The next morning, H & M were angels again....they were extra quiet, and got their own cereal for breakfast. I didn't hear a peep until 8am!
So the morning wait started. I wanted him to call when he was ready to come home. By 10:45, I couldn't wait any longer - I just needed to smell him! So I called, and told him I was on the way. He did have a great time, but he didn't get to sleep until about 1:30 because he couldn't get comfortable - he almost called home, but he thought it was too late. Little did he know, PsychicMom was on duty!
Anyways, I got my first taste of what life felt like without him, and I didn't like it much. He means so very much to me, my smart, funny boy. I hate to see him cross another milestone without even flinching.
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