A longer hello...

My life is complicated...not in a slutty reality show way, but still complicated.

I am starting back to work soon. I need the money. I don't think I really want to, but sometimes I think I want to be successful again. It's interesting how many people are "so very happy for me". Brings back all the issues I had when I stopped my paycheck job more than 11 years ago. I had to learn, alone, at home, that I am more than my job title. Now, people can't wait to identify me by my new job title. What really punches my buttons is how many are almost surprised that I'd have a title that sounds halfway important....because they never knew me before I had kids and had an important job title.

The fact is, with the new job, the pay stinks. It IS close to home, and it does give me 2 months off each year, to be able to spend with my kids. Eventually, it will offer some decent benefits too. It is also a job where I get to work with kids, which is basically what I've been doing for free at school for the past few years. So, as far as a balanced job, this is a good one. I want money though. When I was reading thru some old posts one sentence stood out clearly....I know I can support myself, but I've never had to support anyone else, and I'm scared that this isn't enough to keep us afloat.

DH still has his old newspaper job. He went back when the remodel market went flat last fall. We live in an area that is hard hit by foreclosures and falling home prices. My house? We still have it, but all of the equity is GONE...it's probably worth less than we paid for it, but not by much (I guess that is good news). The market here is soft, but better than it was a few months ago. Basically we have no safety net for the first time in 13 years, and it terrifies me.

Which is why I took the job.

My niece is here this summer. She's 14 now, and her mom sent her here because she's tired of her and is hoping I can fix her. Well, it's really not my job to do that now that my sis has messed her up so thoroughly is it? She's an only child and full of teenage drama. I'm not a drama kind of girl. I've spent time talking to her, but who knows how much of it will stick. She'll be here until two days before I start work because I don't have the backbone to send her ass home.

Mom is still here, gate keeping and playing favorites among my children. I hate it. She used to tell me stories about how much she hated her MIL for playing favorites among her own children and now she deliberately does it to mine. And they notice...I just let them know that some adults are more immature than children and that they are loved anyways.

To happier news...we took the kids to Disneyland this spring and it really was the happiest place for us. We had an awesome time just being together and doing really fun stuff for 5 days straight. I've now exposed all of my children to mocha drinks and am sure that they will be addicts as soon as I let them be.

Hope graduated Kindy at the top of her class. She is a bright girl, advanced in reading and math and hopefully will have a challenging teacher this year. She can spell "orange" and "butterfly" and writes wonderful stories. She's tall....really tall....I enjoyed watching her at Kindy graduation, walking in line with her class...she's an entire head taller than all of them!

Matthew had an awesome year, he was the only kid at our school to get a perfect score on the STAR test. He enjoyed all the attention that was lavished by the district superintendent, the principal and his teacher. He is a social kid too, saying hi to everyone like school is one big cocktail party.

Joey had a rough year. He got an awesome teacher who was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. While she valiantly fought, she passed away in March. God I miss her. She was a gifted teacher who gave everything she had to her class. Dealing with death is never pleasant, but Joey and I worked our way through the grief. MaryAnne was so prepared that she choose the substitute that came in and finished the year. Mrs. B was nothing like MaryAnne and everything Joey needed. We both agree that we would rather have known MaryAnne such a short time than to never have met her. She used to make her 5th graders listen to music every morning. Manilow Monday was all the kids favorites. I can't listen to Barry Manilow in the dentists office or an elevator or a store without thinking of her.

Spiritually, I'm in a wasteland. The church I'd like to go to doesn't exist here anymore because the local parish doesn't believe that gays are entitled to church services. It makes me so angry. That's not the definition of God as I know it, and I am sick and tired of people who call themselves religious beating other people down. How can there be a God who only loves certain kinds of people? Is it possible that God only lets straight people be his favorites? And who gets to decide what God thinks? Can't we just take an hour at the end of the week to do the right thing? Or do we have to spend it hating people who believe differently?

Politically? Well, I'm still a little wounded over the Hillary thing. I wanted a BIG change in the political scene. A woman, who is highly intelligent, and internationally respected? Sounds like the exact opposite of what we have now, right? Obama speaks well, and seems to be gathering international support, but he just doesn't have the experience to gather people together. I've watched Hillary learn the hard way, and I trust that she is capable of learning from her mistakes. I don't know Obama other than the fact that Oprah says he's great (snort!) and I think that is an IDIOTIC reason to put someone in office. Shows me how little has changed since the last election, KWIM?

This post is long enough for now....more later...