"Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions ofothers, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth." KatherineMansfield
Wow...that's an awesome quote!
I'm spending this time off trying to rebuild self-esteem that has hit a new low. I am regularly crushed by my own negative thinking and even sometimes wonder if I matter at all. I am trying to find a way out of this mess, and have made some baby steps in the right direction. I think spending some time with me, writing down my thoughts can be very helpful, so I'm going to try this blog again.
I looked over my past posts, and still see an unhappy woman, someone who's been unhappy for years and years. I don't quite understand it, because I see the richness and goodness in the things I have in place in my life: Meaningful work, beautiful children, and a partner who loves me. There are flaws in all of those things, but that shouldn't prevent me from enjoying my life, and spending at least some of the time happy.
I took a few self-esteem quizzes, and they all tell me that I could use a boost, but they don't seem to express just how terrible I feel. I have days where I am completely disengaged from my husband and kids, and just feel like a total loser, someone who others just don't care about, fat and ugly and well....unworthy! It hurts like hell and I want it to stop.
I tried looking for a new doctor. I thought that maybe if I started to take care of a few medical things, that might put me on the right road.
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